Friday, January 8, 2016

The Year of a Bigger Yes

Last year I turned 30. My mortality tapped me on the shoulder, it shook me from my slumber. I can't do or be all the things (or even think I'm going to--even more noteworthy), and that's ok.  It's humbling. But there's freedom there in seeing things just as they are too.

This year, I want to run with that.

2016 is my year of a bigger yes.

I'm recommitting. I'm doubling down. I'm digging deep right exactly where my feet stand.

+  Seven and a half years ago I held Paul's hands and vowed to love and care for him. I was young and stupid. I didn't know what that meant. I loved an idea of him. But now I love him and learn more about him each year.

+  Five years ago we bought this house. We are happy and grateful every day for this space (and so close to being done with the process of a refi to a 15 year term--woohoo!).

+ Six years ago Thomas made me a brand new mom & two years ago Alistair & Emerick cried side by side for me in the hospital room and my heart both times said, "yes, thank you, yes."

+ Three years ago, I decided to be a stay at home mom--to better meet our family's needs. Three years, wow. It's been very difficult and also very rewarding. It's the right choice for us, but that doesn't mean it comes easy or natural.

+ Last year, we eagerly (and a bit nervously too) began homeschooling...and it's been huge. Huge. It is our happy place. I have big plans. There's no lid on my joy anymore.

These are big things I've said yes to. There are lots of little things too. Like the way it matters to me that my body is in the shape that feels right. That I paint and write and take walks and think in the dark early of the morning. That I invite people in. That I travel and push myself in things that I've never done before. That I finish tasks completely, with excellence. That I read and write a lot.

Oh, and one not little at all thing too but that I tend to not write much of here. That my yes to Christ is a big yes even after all these years (16-ish) and all the turning over and through of good and bad, of dark and light since my confirmation. 

What does our big yes look like in the little moments? When we are scrubbing the toilet or making the bed.  When we discipline the child or welcome home our husband. When we are serving dinner or getting dressed for the day. When we do wake up early for some some time to ourselves but it's so tempting to scroll through a feed or three on the phone. When we read aloud. When we play with our kids. When we work. When we listen.

I'm happy where I'm at at 31. If more gets added to my plate or things change, that's cool. But just as things are...I feel truly blessed. I bumbled my way through and yet come out the other side of my 20's in a place I dreamed to be.

But dreams aren't scooped up and preserved with one yes.  I have work, work, work, work, work and more work to do.  This year is about me doing that work.  And I'm pretty pumped!


  1. This is beautiful. I second the reality of loving him more and more truly each year (and of being idiotically naive on our wedding day).

  2. The fact that your joy has no lid is contagious! I am so pumped for this homeschooling journey.