Friday, June 15, 2012

All or Nothing

I've been working out regularly for four weeks now. I don't have blow your socks off results to share.  Maybe at the start of summer break I envisioned sharing declarations to family, friends, and bloggers like: "I dropped 5 pounds!" or "I've lost 2 inches in my waist!" or "I can karate chop a tower of 10 cement blocks with my bare hands and warrior brain power!"  Alas, no such news to share.

Since working out once a day, doing anything from sweating buckets onto my toweled mat in the hot yoga room to taking a leisurely after dinner stroll with my family around the block, things are changing for my 27 year old body.  I see definition in my arms and legs. Putting on my clothes in the morning doesn't prompt me to make that frowny face at the dresser mirror anymore. And I finally saw a lower number on the scale this week, but it wasn't anything to scream about.

I do feel great! I think clearly, feel happier, and have sustained energy for the entire day, and especially on those days I drag myself to boot camp in the wee hour of six a.m. to bathe in public humiliation.

The quiet rhythm of being summer time at home mom is teaching me a bit about life. Foremost is that life is definitely not 'all or nothing'. Far from it. It's a good thing too.

I can be an intense individual. I have long touted the mantra 'all or nothing'. This past year at work I tried my best to be that all. In many ways, my hard work paid off greatly. At the close of the school year, I walked out the door and turned back to see a vision of me feverishly working and enjoying every single minute of it.  'Being all' feels really great. Knowing we have reached the peak physically, spiritually, emotionally, professionally, financially, and so on--that's what many of us strive to do each day.  The best mom. The most frugal shopper.  The girl at work with the most adorable, jealousy-inducing wardrobe. That parent who would rather be six feet under than give her child so much as six bites of non-organic food.

Go for it if you can afford it. I can't.  When I came home from my feverish work of teaching, I was quite amazed. I had let things go, to some degree.  My refrigerator contents pathetic. My discipline with my toddler lacking. My body weak. My photo albums... wait, I have no photo albums...oops. My weeds taking over the yard to such extent I saw their plot to kill all my plants and then strangle me.

The quiet rhythm of being summer time at home mom is teaching me to be gentle with myself. I wake up. Drink coffee. Sigh at the to do list. Then choose a good attitude and pick a few big things to tackle each day.  I will win no plaque, award, or standing ovation at the close of this summer for my noble work here at home because I'm busy doing a lot of those things that sit in between All and Nothing.

We can't let ourselves exclaim things like: I just don't cook. My body isn't built for exercise. I would buy cute clothes, but I just can't keep up. I would never ever ________________. Our marriage is total crap [okay, just really don't say that one]. 100% or die! [woah! craziness!]

To think less, do more, and be excited about whatever the results--this is my new aim. I'm enjoying my morning time doing that funky sumo squat move in unison with my YourShape trainer. I'm liking the pain of the army crawl across the gym floor before the gain of being able to brush my hair in the morning and saying silly stuff in my head like, Dang girl, you lookin' buff! I'm really liking this feeling of getting my butt off the sidelines to join in the race, even if it means I'm well behind that obnoxious winner in front.

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