tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66248693683134386352024-02-07T06:17:52.452-08:00Narrative HeiressAshley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.comBlogger161125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-28125711058711843852016-02-24T15:33:00.002-08:002016-02-24T15:34:11.526-08:00I've Moved to a New Blog!!Hey, friend.<br />
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This space is no more. I'm collecting my things and closing the door here. <br />
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I would love for you to come on over to my new virtual living room! It's a happy place, and I'm excited to share it with you!<br />
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Click here ------ <a href="http://www.thisgoodlifeblog.com/">www.thisgoodlifeblog.com</a> ---- and join me in my new and joyful space. Say hi if you have a moment, so I know you found us!<br />
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Lots of love,<br />
Ash<br />
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<br />Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-64751483614929191492016-02-18T04:51:00.001-08:002016-02-18T04:53:29.825-08:00Post-it Shares<b>I'm popping in really quick this morning to share some random small notes.</b><br />
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+ Yesterday was the first day I've done yard work this year. I bagged up 7 huge bags of gum balls and that gets me about halfway through what needs to be done in the front yard (until a thousand more drop). <b>I needed that sunshine so badly</b> and I'm so excited that today is going to be another day of it. Thomas helped some and then laid on a blanket and said nothing for a good bit while he waited for me to finish so we could go inside and have warm drinks.<br />
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+ <b>I bought a domain! And a Squarespace membership!</b> I've been journaling a lot lately. Two days ago as I was writing a new blog name came to me as clear as day and I thought how obvious it's been all along what I've tried to say in my writing for the last few years. I'll share it with you as soon as I can. I'm really excited.<br />
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+ <b>Being off Facebook for Lent has been so amazingly fruitful</b>. I won't share just yet everything I've been experiencing "off the grid", but it's been pretty significant. (And yes, even with still being on Instagram and this blog.) I'll just say this. Facebook is noisy. It's cluttered. It's a lot for me to take in, but it's been such a presence for so many years (slow boiling the frog) that I didn't think much of it. I honestly can't think right now about how I'll use it responsibly after Lent. Right now I'm truly enjoying this sensation of being stripped of a "need" and seeing how many things are so much more essential and life-giving to me.<br />
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+ Need a jolt of inspiration?? <a href="http://jeremycowart.com/" target="_blank">Go here and watch this guy's video</a>. It's long, but it's worth it. It's maybe the best video I've ever watched. Truth. (Teaser: He reaffirms the #1 thing that I read about in The Power of Positive Thinking...that I have yet to get in the habit of doing.)<br />
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+ <b>Cari Donaldson is lovely</b> and has been sharing quotes with us from a terrific book titled, <i>My Other Self, </i>over on Instagram. She's posting these wonderful snippets through Lent and it has been such a gift. Don't miss out. Her handle is @caridonaldson. I don't know if it's kosher to do this, but here you go...<br />
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+ It turns out our Lenten prayer chain has been really fun & helpful too. We rip off our new link in the morning, announce whose day it is (randomized group of every family member and then some friends, neighbors, etc as well), post it on the fridge and then pray for them at the start and the end of the day. To see the number of days in that physical form is really something. I've loved it!<br />
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+ I wrote two weeks ago about <a href="http://www.narrativeheiress.blogspot.com/2016/02/siri-how-many-days-do-we-have-left-of.html" target="_blank">how winter is hard on me</a> which of course made me bolster with enthusiasm that I was gonna skip right over that this year. After I wrote the post I couldn't leave the house for over a week because Emerick had 7 straight days of Factor 8 treatments and an IV in his arm that made his eating efforts (and refusal to use his hand that actually had a range of motion) quite comical. <b>When I finally made it to the Y on Tuesday this week</b>, I was wearing no make-up, no smile, and an oversized hoodie with paint splatters on it. After walking for 30 minutes, I found myself staring out the Y windows at a dead tree shaking in the cold.<br />
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So I'm handling winter pretty well.<br />
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;)<br />
<br />Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com356tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-74167855858004485402016-02-16T04:44:00.000-08:002016-02-16T05:05:53.695-08:00A Long List of Small Ways I Cultivate a Reading Life <br />
<span style="font-family: inherit; text-align: center;">Books are awesome. </span><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: inherit; text-align: center;">I’m sharing how I hack my time & energy to read as much as I can.</b><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">These are true to the season of life and motherhood I’m in. Take what you want and leave the rest. I’ve got my own set of circumstances, and you are likely in a very different boat. </span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" /><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">And if you are in the same boat, what are you doing without a life jacket? And row faster, won’t you?!!!</span><br /><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br /></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">1.<b> I waterfall my reading</b>. I read serious, thought-provoking material in the morning, and it goes downhill from there. By the time I crawl into bed it better be so fluffy I can float on it right to sleep. </span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" /><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">2. <b>I keep my “to read” list on my phone on the Reminders app.</b> By some sort of magic, it helps me get more books in my hands. It’s the same list app (as simple as they come) that I share with Paul for groceries (swear by it). The list is long, but I get to scroll through it every once in a while and knock one off. </span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" /><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">3.<b> I hook our chapter book read aloud time to an absolute in our day.</b> Thomas and I have kept true to our read aloud time every day for over two years. We are more flexible on the weekend of course, but the week days go the same way every. single. day. Naps start for the twins. Then we read our chapter book. </span><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" /><br style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" /><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">4. <b>I set a timer for my personal reading</b>. Mid-day I’m like a piece of toast discovered six hours past its prime. Lately, I’ve been refueling by giving myself 20 minutes to read which is enough to make headway on a book but not so long that it’s not a realistic option for my day. It’s amazing what just a small chunk of focused reading does to clear my brain and lift my spirits back up. It’s incredible. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"></span></span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-family: inherit;">5.<b> </b></span><b>I take pause before picking my next read</b>. I’ve learned not to set up myself for failure. The older I get, the more I really think about what mood I’m in (oh, the feels) and what I need right now. I like a variety and try to switch things up, so that reading always brings me new flavors. Same rule goes for picking our chapter books too. In the pause, I read Amazon book reviews. Preferably with glass of wine in my hand. </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">6. <b>Books are the one thing I buy randomly for the kids</b>. There is no other type of toy or treat we just give to the kids. I would never say, “surprise! I bought you Legos!” But I do it as much as I can afford to with books. I’m generally opposed to rewards, but if I buy one it’s probably going to be a book. </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: inherit;"><b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">7. I go solo to the library every other Saturday to pick up books.</span></b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> I max out our card. First, I check the new books and award contestant books. Next, I grab around 3 books for each subject for school: science, math, history, art, and poetry to use for our morning time loop. Then, I grab level readers since Thomas needs a few of those to build up fluency. Last, I scan for bindings that have award or runner-up labels. Last, I judge a lot of books by their cover and fill up the rest of the bags. </span></span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">8. </span><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">I keep a Goodreads account for Thomas</b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">. I’ve kept it up (admittedly missed a few books last year) since he turned 4. Yes, we had to sign him up for an email, but I can switch from my account to his no problem on my computer.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">I let him rate books.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">He gets to tell me what he’s interested in reading. It’s really fun. It’s motivating for him to see all we’ve read, and now he's just begun reading chapter books on his own so I'm really excited for him to log his reads.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">9. <b>I keep a Goodreads account for myself. </b>Let’s be friends. :)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">10. <b>I listen to podcasts that encourage me to read.</b> Read Aloud Revival and What Should I <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Read Next? are my two favorites right now. (Also, I'm a Modern Mrs. Darcy lifer.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">11. <b>I read books that encourage me to read more</b>. I’m due for a reread of The Read Aloud Handbook. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">12. <b>I share what I read with Thomas. </b>We hear so much about investing in what our children read, but I want Thomas to join in my world a bit too. I’ve read aloud from or summarized so many books that I’ve read. He sees me reading and asks me about my book. He asks me to read it to him, and I usually do. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This seems very normal to me. My mom shared snippets of her books, and her thoughts about what she was reading, all the time growing up. I still treasure those moments to this day. She was sharing her enthusiasm for reading, for learning, and thought it natural to include us too and I really love that she did.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">13. <b>We laugh. </b> We don’t take ourselves too seriously. The “me balls” from Only Ivan. The silly dreams in The BFG. The creepy figures in The Wizard of Oz. The Indian’s curt demands from The Indian in the Cupboard. The ridiculous anecdotes of the narrator in the Lemony Snicket series. I have oodles of times Thomas and I have shared laughs over books. I have so many reasons I think reading is of serious importance, but it’s just fun too. A lot of fun. Or it’s sad. And we go there too. We let ourselves feel. Thomas made an invisible threat to the bully in Hoot and I had to encourage him to feel a little less… </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">14. <b>We keep our library books in the same place. </b>This should encourage more reading, right? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">15. <b>I’m honest with Thomas</b>. I don’t sugar coat. Sometimes, I think a book is lame and say so. Sometimes, I adore a book and I say that too. Sometimes, I’m still trying to figure a book out so I say that. I let him be honest too. We don’t have to love all books, but a lot of books are worth the try and usually make good conversation anyway. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">16. <b>I ask people about books they are reading or for their favorites.</b> Oh to be connected to others through the books we read. I absolutely love it! If I read a book I almost always have a trail buddy--someone I can talk to about that book (or whom has already talked to me about the book.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">17. <b>I make a plan.</b> I have a number of books I’ve already planned on reading this year, so I’ll switch between reading those I’ve planned on and those that I feel like and also those that come in from the library (because I always have an ongoing hold list and they come in at pretty random times). Here’s an example. It’s the list of books I wanted to, give or take a few, get around to this school year. We are doing pretty well. (The same can’t be said for my own reading.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">18. <b>I give classics a try.</b> There’s a good reason everyone else has read it. It might not end up one of my favorites, but I want to know the secret too. From the classics I’ve finally caught up with in the past few years, it’s totally worth the</span><span style="font-family: "avenir next";"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">late read. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">19.<b> I keep an Amazon wish list just for books. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">20. <b>Rule of two. I always have one non-fiction book going and one fiction book going.</b> I might have an additional book beyond that, but I definitely have those first two. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">21. <b>I take tons of screen shots.</b> I screen shot Instagram book recs all the time. Then when I clean out my photos, I add those books to my “to read” list or put them on hold right away. I highly recommend! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I just looked on my phone. Here's the most recent book rec screen shot I took. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">And here are a few things I would love to start:</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">1<b>. </b></span></span><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">Keeping a commonplace book</b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;"> — Do you have one? Where do I start?</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">2</span><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">. Thomas keeping a record of his pages read</b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;"> — Too soon maybe. </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">3</span><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">. Sharing recommendations here or on Instagram</b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;"> (but it does feel a little overwhelming because there are so many terrific books)</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">4. <b>Putting more books on hold for the kids so I can utilize the drive through. </b></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">5. </span><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">A book club!</b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;"> I’m wondering if this matters enough to me that I’m ready to make it happen. Possibly. </span></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">Do you have tricks and tips for cultivating a reading life? How do you make it happen? </span></i></div>
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Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-29397086931144774112016-02-11T04:38:00.002-08:002016-02-11T04:47:29.316-08:00"Siri, how many days do we have left of winter???"<b>Winter is a struggle for me</b>. Thomas knows. He said to me the other day, "Remember that one time (he's referring to last year) snow had just melted on the ground and new snow started falling and we were looking out the sunroom windows and I was excited but you looked like you were going to cry?"<br />
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Yes, Thomas. I absolutely remember. That was the day before we joined the Y.<br />
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This time last year I took walks almost every single morning around the neighborhood while the kids were sleeping. I would wake up with the silent and the cold. I loved that season of early mornings. I tripped over a branch in the dark and barely missed some geese one other time, listened to Unbroken on audio and all the financial podcasts, stopped each time at the lake to stare at the clouds reflecting under themselves, and smiled as the dawn would break. It was what I needed at the time. <br />
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<b>I'm in that category of people who are super affected by the seasons and the weathe</b>r. Give me three rainy days in a row and I'll give you desperation in my voice and Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell on repeat.<br />
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I cook unnecessarily elaborate meals. It's one of my love language. The colors and the feeding my guys and the trying new recipes. I just love being in the kitchen prepping all the things and filling the house with smells of butter and onions, a simmering soup, or a roast on low. It makes me come absolutely alive to cook.<br />
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<b>But when we had the fall back time change in November.</b>...And I was looking outside that first week when it was time to get dinner started and it was already DARK. Dark I say. Dark. It was dark even before I could cut an onion or peel some carrots.<br />
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I looked at the dark outside my kitchen window and decided right then that it was not in the cards for us to be eating this winter. I served pb & js to any kid who thought that sounded fun. So all of them. And I sat at the table with some sunny side up eggs and talked to myself about hibernation.<br />
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<b>It was lots of sunshine and warm here the week before last. I can't be sure but I think I was floating. </b><br />
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For homeschoolers, February is supposed to be a bust. February is the month the homeschool momma drives by the local elementary school while asking peculiar questions of her children like, "Do you still have the backpack we bought you?" and "Don't you think recess sounds like fun?"<br />
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<b>But I don't know how February can be a bust when January was such a drag</b>. Let me illustrate: "SCHOOL? SCHOOL? We're doing THAT again?" <Stare face emoticon + stare face emoticon + stare face emoticon.> So, after convincing my darling (who, mind you, never had a problem doing school for an entire semester but then acted like resuming it was akin to wading into shark-infested waters) that "Yes. That's right. One semester of kindergarten was not a complete education", I don't plan on missing one single beat on our drum marching forward.<br />
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January's unsuspected horror of "education shock" has been the flip side of February's falling back in love. Okay, love might be a stretch. But we've really been hitting our stride the last couple weeks. We've found a great routine. We're using a Time Timer for everything and doing morning time and resumed memory work. We are getting our work done earlier in the day and reading more and even having a good bit of fun while doing math care of a miniature plastic dog that we pretend is Thomas's teacher because homeschoolers are weird.<br />
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So homeschooling is in good shape. And that's good because we are going from zero to 60 with Paul's travel. He's going to Australia for two weeks and I'm excited for him and we'll just have to see how the kids and I manage. I'm just gonna say it. We are so due for an awful sickness. I'm bracing myself.<br />
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<b>37 days left of winter. </b><br />
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I've been a Catholic all my life and I've never once made the connection that <i>a sincere focus on Lent could be a convenient distraction from winter</i>. It's only a pretty theory I made up the other day. My eyes lit up and I thought I finally found the ticket to surviving a bi-polar Missouri winter that teases and taunts and occasionally dumps tons of snow on you when you least expect it. We'll see.<br />
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<b>I'm off Facebook for Lent.</b> So blogging here (which I still hope to do on Tuesdays and Thursdays) is interesting. I already have a tiny audience. It'll be super tiny without Facebook. I think I like that though for right now. When I started blogging I could care less about the race to blog <i>this certain way</i> so that I could get somewhere with it. I just had words I wanted to eek out. I just wanted practice. I don't need to arrive. I just want to show up.<br />
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<b>Honestly, writing is a labor for me</b>. It's really, really difficult for me to move my thoughts and feelings out and over to you without mixing it all up. To connect, yes, that's my hope too--that someone else (you) can say, "Oh, me too!" This is my space to practice with the words over and over and over again. It's really hard to do that when I'm focused on the opinion of others. So some quiet blogging during Lent (maybe I'll let it all out a bit more) feels pretty good.<br />
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<b>If you are here, still, without Facebook---wow. I love you. I'll write to you this Lent, so tell me what to write. </b><i>And if you say nothing, I'll keep writing just like this. </i><br />
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But back to winter. I can see the light. It's there. I'm going to pull out my superhero cape (totally kidding.) (I keep it on all the time. ;) and really go big for this last stint of winter. If all else fails, our Lenten Prayer chain and grocery deliveries from Hyvee will save us!!<br />
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<br />Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-57793008039260956612016-02-04T05:28:00.003-08:002016-02-04T05:29:44.462-08:00A Letter to Thomas On His BirthdayThomas,<br />
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<b>You turn 6 today!</b> If your memory capabilities hold true for the future, this letter will be mostly pointless because you will retain 97% more memories of your childhood than your dear mother.<br />
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Sometimes you ask about yourself. I tell you that you are a little like your dad, a little like me, and a great deal of just uniquely you. I heard you tell Alistair and Emerick in another room yesterday, <i>"This is 100% not what we are trying to do here."</i> That's me coming out of your mouth. It's a problem. (which is actually another thing I've heard you say...) You make up for it by being patient, kind, loving, and joyful.<br />
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At 6, I know who you pretty well. <b>You need to know <i>why</i> for everything.</b> You lead and manage and take charge of things. You love reading, building, and drawing. You are. not. shy. When people don't give you enough attention in public because their oogling like idiots over your brothers, you simply say, "Hi. I'm Thomas! I like to build Legos!" or something of the sort. You speak well when you want to. It still takes me aback. So does your whining. Let's quit that soon because it's really undermining the awesome I know of you.<br />
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<b>You are very helpful.</b> Sometimes, I say something I'm dealing with out loud. You often offer a solution or your help. When you said you would go into Target yesterday with a list of the things I needed so I didn't have to bring the the twins out in the cold, I had to turn you down. But a lot of times your suggestions are truly helpful and sometimes even very smart. Keep solving problems and adding value to people's lives. That's most of what is going to bring you success and joy as an adult.<br />
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<b>Reading is really special to us</b>. Two days ago you were finishing Diary of a Wimpy Kid. You read independently now and it's amazing. I was correcting a few of your words. You got miffed with me and said you would figure it out, not to help please. So I turned around on the couch so I could just listen to you. Shortly after, you told me, "No, Mom. It's okay. You can correct my words. I want you to tell me the right way to say these." On the one in a million chance you are reading this when you are older--hear me please. I'll give you space, but you can always call me back. I'm trying to raise you to be a man. To be tough and independent and to execute things well and to work hard. But it's ok to need people too. I'm giving you permission to be as wise as a 6 year old.<br />
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Ah. I almost forgot the two best words in the universe that you say. I ask you to do things all the time. A good portion of the time you respond with this very agreeable <b>"yeah sure". </b>Sometimes it's <b>"yeah sure, Mom" </b>or even, <b>"yeah sure. I can do that for you." </b>It's in the most pleasant tone of voice I've ever heard in my life. You say it and mean it and help me right away. When I hear those two words I feel as if I'm on the beach with a mixed drink, sun on my skin and a smile on my face. I love you unconditionally but I really love you for being so cool about so many things. In that regard, I want to be just like you.<br />
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You and I, we read about a lot of orphans who've parents have died. Likely, that won't happen to us. I'm a very selfish woman and God wants me ironing that out by wiping up spilled milk every day. But should something happen to me or you learn nothing in your stay here because it's too loud, here's what I want you to know.<br />
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1. <b>Be humble</b>. Humility is everything. You can't grow without it. You can't be your best self without it. You can't know God without it. You can't serve others well without it. If you can be humble, you can know joy. Don't be afraid of seeing both your strengths and weaknesses just exactly as they are every day. Knowing these things and walking in humility will set you free.<br />
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2. <b>Accept responsibility. </b>People fail. Great people makes things right. They let go, they forgive, and they don't just say they did wrong--they fix what's broken to the best of their ability. Take ownership even where you don't know how you'll carry it. You will find a way.<br />
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3. <b>Work hard. </b>We don't work hard just so we can have more money and more things. We work hard as a huge, heartfelt thank you for this day, this body, these gifts. Work hard every day because you can. Work hard every day because millions of men and women fought for your freedom to do so. Work hard every day because there is nothing better in this life than making the lives of other people better.<br />
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4. <b>Seek God and love others. </b>This takes vulnerability. This takes strength. This takes seeing people for their whole self and letting your respect reach beyond that outer layer into an understanding that we are much, much, much more than meets the eye. It's easier said than done, but it's worth it. Treat others how you want to be treated. Set your expectations high and surround yourself with people who have that mindset too. And know, oh Thomas please know, you are never ever alone. You are in a village. We are in this together.<br />
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I'm stopping here so I can make you pumpkin bread for breakfast. You and your brothers will attack it like the pack of wolves that you are. We'll put up decorations today and dance and I'll dream a little about this next year.<br />
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I hope you know how much you are loved. How capable you are. What a good person you are. How you are a bright light in our world.<br />
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<b>Happy 6th, Thomas!</b><br />
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With All My Heart,<br />
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Your momma<br />
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<br />Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-49717365954519912772016-01-28T10:15:00.001-08:002016-01-28T10:34:44.189-08:00Where to Start When You are a Home Improvement Newb<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I think I've mentioned we are refinancing our house--and are just days away. I'm so flipping excited. <br />
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<b>Two weeks ago I watched an appraiser walk through our house and take photos</b>. No come to Jesus experience like readying your house for its best look. As you are scrubbing bathrooms and painting cabinets you see things as they are: the improvements and what's lacking too. <br />
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My mind is always focused on everything else we need to do--and fresh off a season with baby twins, that is an overwhelming list. I was seriously looking at the list just now and my eyes about crossed. But going through the appraisal process helped me see that I have done work on this home and that I've learned a few things about home improvement since we moved in five years ago. <i>Started from the bottom. Now I'm here. </i><br />
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<b>Here are my very humble and amateur suggestions for anyone who might be reading and feel like their home improvement skill-set is flirting with absolute zero.</b> These are things I would lovingly grab you by the shoulders and tell you to do. I've been there. I feel ya. These things are huge!<br />
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+ <b>Get an estimate </b><br />
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This one should be in all caps. I can't stress this enough. Estimates. Estimates. Estimates. They are free. They are quick. They are only a call away. I have learned so very much from the men who have come in and given us estimates for projects. This is their area of expertise, so they drop knowledge about your roof or your fence or your plumbing that you wouldn't even know to ask, you didn't even think to worry about. Knowledge is power. I've gotten estimates that were so surprisingly cheap for projects that I couldn't do (new circuit) or were taking me for.ev.er (that blasted never ending brush pile) and I was able to jump on those things immediately. Other estimates have helped us manage our money or attention in a more organized way. We have a sober understanding of what it costs to replace things because we've talked to so many individuals who have explained those things to us. <br />
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+ <b>Ask for help</b> <br />
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Ask for specific help. My friend, Natahle, took the time to show me how to "cut in" with paint (rather than use that awful painter's tape) and explained exactly what brushes to use and how to care for them. She came to my house to help me pick out a paint color (I typically pick out colors that are much brighter and bolder than what I actually want) and even painted a room with me. When I go to Lowe's I ask all the questions. I have no shame. Maybe I should, but I don't. I don't have time to worry about what it looks like to be asking about the difference between two light bulbs that look the same. I just go right for it, and the information I get is so helpful. I also hit up YouTube on the regular. If I see awesome projects, decorations, etc. at a friend's house, I just simply asked her how she did it. My cousin, Michele, just walked me through how to pick out curtains, the measurements to work with when hanging them, and where to buy them. She even explained why she picked out the styles that she did considering different elements already in the room. And this was just in maybe 5 or 10 minutes. Don't hesitate to ask questions. People love empowering you and seeing you have fun with your home too. Likely, they remember the days when they cut the caulk too wide or painted an entire room in a color they ended up not liking. <br />
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+ <b>Ask your spouse to pull looks</b> (and pull looks for yourself) <br />
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I know Pinterest can often spell disaster. Craft projects and cutesy party platters are often a bust for me. But if you and your husband (or just maybe you yourself) can't get your ish together on what style you want to banner your house with--Pinterest can be an incredible tool to build the same language and have a safe 3rd party. You can talk all day about modern or colorful or industrial light bulbs, but I think it is in peering together at photos that compromise and a happy meeting is struck. <i>What do you like about this room?</i> That's a great question! Just so we are clear--my house does not have a cohesive look. We've got some colorful. Some traditional. Some boy-somebody-needs-a-vision-here. But to try and understand where your spouse is coming from, I think looking at someone's else's already work is a better start than shouting in your living room about how you've never like that stupid couch anyway.<br />
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+ <b>Tackle the thing you hate most</b> <br />
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If I reached through the screen right now and handed you a magical wand that had the power to instantly transform one thing in your home, what would you take that wand to? What's that one thing in your house that makes just...ugh. You have visions of taking it outside and lighting it on fire. No? That's just me? Okay, well I know we need to be financially smart and sometimes slow to do things, but maybe this year give yourself the push to tackle that one thing that really <i>really</i> you secretly hate. Last year that thing was removing a cabinet in our kitchen that was blocking our counter. I feel like these worst things are like clogs in our home. Rip out the clog and things start flowing in the right direction again. You feel freed up and you'll find your energy multiplied like magic. <br />
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+ <b>Earn a small win</b> <br />
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Don't underestimate how much a fresh coat of paint (maybe you even already have that on hand) or new handles for your drawers can make you feel. No matter how much you don't know how to do, there are likely already resources on hand or projects you already know how to do within an arm's reach. With each small project you do, allow yourself to feel good about yourself in this area. One time I was running a 5k last year and as I was awkwardly laboring through the last mile I kept saying to myself "I'm doing the thing. I'm not thinking about doing the thing. I'm doing it right now." Does that sound pretty dumb? Well, it works for me. Sometimes we think so much about what we would love to do with our home one day... but when you are changing out those light bulbs or spray painting your ceiling fan or organizing a closet you are doing it. It doesn't have to be big. It can just be one thing this week and you are doing it. Small wins will take you there. </div>
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+ <b>Be you. Be content. Enjoy the process. </b></div>
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Anyone who knows me knows that I value financial freedom about a thousand times more than a room that is "perfect" or even photo ready. I mean. We took five years before replacing our curtains, so that speaks for itself, especially if you saw those wooden blinds in our bedroom. There's always going to be more to do. You've gotta be okay with that. There's no finish line for a home. It's all about making an efficient, warm, welcoming and happy environment. And that does not equal newly stained floors just because so and so said you should. I find contentment so incredibly fascinating and I find people who are content even more so. Of course we should make things better. Of course we should strive for beauty. But not so much so that we are scrambling to please or anxious about the bank statements. The best homes I've ever been in were those that had nice people in them. And I mean that 100%. <br />
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<b>I have a long list of small and larger projects that I'm tackling this year, and I'm so excited! </b> I love trying my hand at things that are new to me. Home improvements and decorating are definitely out of my comfort zone, but I like making mistakes and learning as I go. It's so fun to see a vision materialize, ideas come to life!<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"> What have you found to be helpful in improving your home? What projects are you working on right now or looking forward to doing this year? </span></b><br />
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<i><br />I plan on smoothing out my sunroom's popcorn ceiling... we shall see how that goes.</i><br />
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Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-55629661620908986202016-01-26T08:09:00.001-08:002016-01-26T08:17:24.709-08:00What I Learned From the Hardest Part of (my) 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><b>If someone other than me were to review my year last year</b>, documents in hand—bills, journals, appointments, photos, mail— in order to determine what was my </span><i style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">hardest part of last year… </i><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">Well, I think that person would most certainly get it wrong.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">There was a month last year where I spent 40+ hours in doctor’s offices and hospital rooms. Most of those hours were spent slowly cracking open pistachio nuts, stacking coins, and testing eye shadow on three little boys in the most tedious form of survival known to moms: waiting with small children. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Technically speaking, finding out the twins have hemophilia was hard</b>. It turns out that when something, anything is wrong with your child you go through a grieving process, so there’s that. But as I was feeling all the feels about the boys’ futures and simultaneously having heart attacks about managing the physical needs of 3 boys in my home (AKA: lots and lots of cussing and running about and freaking out last year as I was adjusting to what is safe and what’s not for hemophiliacs), there was also just some bad luck for the boys and more blood loss and more bad pricks and more trips to the specialists and those five awful days Alistair didn’t walk — and just when I didn’t think I could handle one more hospital trip for Factor 8 treatments, they stopped just like that. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>But this season of learning about hemophilia and taking it on as our new normal was not the dark spot in my year.</b> Yes, it was hard in the sense that I felt knocked about in rapid succession for a couple months. But there was something markedly different about this than the actual worst pat of my year last year. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>My actual worst part of my year was right around Thanksgiving.</b> I can’t put a rubber band around the stack of those days. I don’t know when it started or when it ended. And when I was in it, it really shouldn’t have been that hard. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Paul was traveling less than he had been. We were truly in the groove of homeschooling—getting everything done and having some fun too. Thomas’s reading had just exploded, reading almost everything he came across. And our trips to the hospital for the twins had taken a hard pause. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">But I felt out of control. The slow work of teaching the twins to talk felt grueling. The task of disciplining three very different children felt exhausting. The days seemed to once again feel not so fresh at start…but rather a continuation of an uphill battle. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>So it was that my worst part of my year was when I found myself coasting. </b> The worst grades I earned in college were from the easiest classes I took. If I’m not pushing myself hard, I crumble. I have to have push goals and big dreams and things outside of the everyday to make the leap from just okay to joyful. </span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Here are my take aways after climbing out of my limping, lacking whiny month last year:</span></b></div>
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<li style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: normal;"><span style="line-height: normal;"></span></span><b>I have to do hard things</b>. If I’m not enduring something hard outside of my choice, I need to find something hard and bring it toward me. I like big goals. I like doing and making and achieving. Coasting = death.</span></li>
<li style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">What is in my control?</b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> What is outside of it? I need to focus nearly all of my attention on the things that I can do and accept the rest.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">When I have shifted to what I can’t control, I’ve really stumbled.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">And my goodness, there are so many things about life we can’t control.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">But there’s an infinite number of things we can do. Locus of control. That’s where I want my eyes firmly fixed this year.</span></span></li>
<li style="line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">We are vulnerable after big accomplishments</b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">We are vulnerable after finishing hard things.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">There’s a gap there where our energy was. It needs filled with lots of new excitement for something else. But, for me, that means thinking just a bit about new goals. It means planning and dreaming right after the finish line. Not just resting and doing nothing, but resting in visualizing new things.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> </span></span></li>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>I see the difference now. Hard things that were not hard for me: </b>Lots and lots of travel weeks in the beginning of the year. Hemophilia crash course this summer. Being homeschool newbies this fall. These should have been hard, but they weren’t because with each thing there was <i>something I was fighting for. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Financial freedom</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">My children’s health & happiness</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And all the books now open doors for my firstborn</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Hard things are not hard with clear purpose. Heavy work is made light by the hope in our hearts. </span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">What are you fighting for?</span></b></h4>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b><b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">What heavy work are you ready to make light?</span><span style="font-family: "avenir next";"> </span></span></b></h4>
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Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-58255733947739677792016-01-13T15:30:00.000-08:002016-01-13T15:48:53.095-08:00Our NYE NYC trip!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>I'm pressing pause here to write a bit about our trip to NYC before our ordinary days pull me too far downstream</b>. And that happens pretty quickly. In fact, I find that actual happenings in my life almost never get blogged. I write about thoughts mostly. Things I've learned. Things I'm mulling over. But those actual real life details are tough to make happen AND then also make happen on the blog. So here goes...<br />
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<b>NEW YORK CITY!!!</b></h3>
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<b>Paul surprised me on Christmas with an already set-up (</b>I didn't have to worry about care for the kids or flights or hotel rooms) <b>trip to NYC for New Year's Eve plus a few days which ended on my birthday</b> (which he and my mother-in-law pre-planned as a day for Paul and I to enjoy at home alone). There is only 1 type of surprise I like and that's adventure surprises. I was so shocked and excited & I still am actually. Paul really went big this time.<br />
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I absolutely love how magical the new year feels. NYE is my very favorite. I just love the promise of a new year. I love thinking back on all the things that happened in the year that's closing and all the things ahead that will happen-- some because I'll be hustling and working hard for them, and others because life surprises us in sprinkles and splashes.<br />
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<b>And that timing of NYC + brand new year was the greatest aspect of this trip.</b> For a dreamer and a planner like me, being in NYC at the very beginning of a new year was so extraordinarily special. Paul and I had time to reconnect and make memories together and enjoy each other before tackling another full year. I spent time on the plane looking out at white puffs of clouds thinking about all things 2015--house improvements, hemophilia scares, homeschooling, and me leaning into my 30's...among many, many other things. I spent time early in the morning at our hotel writing in my journal and listening to the city outside our window and thinking about 2016. In some ways, for my bigger yes. In others, in quiet awe of the things I just can't know about yet. <br />
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<b>When we landed and got in a cab, the city was just starting to close streets for the NYE party down on Time Square (where our hotel was)</b>. So we climbed out of the cab right into thousands of people walking all over streets. Literally on the streets because there were several streets only open to foot traffic at that point. Pulling our luggage through the throngs of people from all over the world---that will always be one of my favorite travel memories ever. The energy was visceral. It was pulsing. And even though that was NYE and so it was amped up a bit, that's how NYC felt to me the whole time. Big. Exciting. Energetic. Electric.<br />
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I love traveling. <b>I love going away and coming back, new</b>. <b>Changed.</b> No one else can see it, but you know it like a tiny golden secret. Forever with a bit of your heart tattooed in the shape of a far away city. New York City surprised me. It didn't feel rude or pushy or overwhelming or snobby--not sure why that's what I expected. It felt like an open door. A happy place. A space for everyone. This was my favorite thing about the city. It's so special because of the nature of things, the history, the physical layout. It's welcoming more than anything else I can put to words. And once you're in, you feel absolutely alive!<br />
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<b>Walking through Central Park.</b> <swoon> How a park (in the dead of winter mind you) can be so wonderful, I just don't understand. Parks, the outdoors, places with trees...that's my thing. But I've never ever been to a space like Central Park. There is something truly special about it. I love how the skyscrapers line up like guardians on all sides of the park. I love how much people connect there. Runners. Bikers. Walkers. Tourists. Residents. Casual walkers. Loud talkers. Thinkers. Photo-takers. Coffee drinkers. Health nuts. Conversations over here and there and behind you and whizzing past you. Everywhere you look, there's more to see and take in. If you twisted my arm and asked me for the #1 thing you can't miss in NYC, I would say it's Central Park. I really hope we will get to take our kids there someday so I can share it with them too!<br />
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<b>Something Paul and I have really loved when we've traveled is visiting with people we love who live nearby.</b> It's such a great way to tie together the roots of our ordinary lives with the excitement of a new city. And once again, we were able to do that. Our friend, Amanda, (whose husband, Preston, works with Paul) was celebrating her 30th & they invited us to join for a big family style dinner with her long time friends (and no surprise she has lots--Amanda is the sweetest) and spouses / sig. others. That was such a fun night! It was our last night in the city and we partied accordingly. Paul said we got back to the hotel at 2:30 in the morning, so translated to mommy of three small children...that's like 8 in the morning.<br />
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Okay. Let me just throw out some other stuff we did really really quick because I'm losing you at this point...</div>
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+ <b>9/11 Memoria</b>l -- Very moving. Must see. They've done a beautiful job. It's very intimate and respectful and something that just needs to be visited. Also, the new Freedom Tower is so freakishly tall. I could not look up at it without getting dizzy. Do I sound like I'm from a small town or what?<br />
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+ <b>Comedy Cellar </b>-- Easily, easily most I've ever laughed in my life. Awesome well-known comedians. We got seated right in the front. This was something I wanted to do so badly, and I'm so glad I made sure we went.<br />
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+ <b>Les Halles</b> -- I wouldn't say I was blown away by the food in NYC like I was in Charleston, SC (the food there---life!), but I had a meal at Les Halles that was the most balanced, beautiful dish I think I've ever had. It was some sort of fish on a bed of ratatouille with lobster sauce.<br />
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+ <b>Uber driver chats</b> -- Thank goodness for Uber! Cheap, efficient way to get around the city. And I loved the conversations we had with the drivers... except the sexist Russian. That was awkward. (Paul kept me away from the subway, so I never got to see that pizza rat that went viral or undercover famous musicians dressed up like hobos that I'm just sure were down there waiting for me to spot them. I also didn't get interviewed by HONY, so you can really see how my NYC trip was far less than perfect. ;)<br />
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+ <b>MOMA </b>-- [Museum of Modern Art] -- I love a good art museum and this really had me feeling all the feels--and on the 1st day of the new year no less. Except for the super contemporary stuff. That had me feeling like a really confused 5th grader who wasn't paying attention in class and just got called on. There were a few pieces that Paul and I were just like "mmm, no" to. Paul loved the Picasso stuff. I loved all the stuff, even the stuff I scratched my head at. We both loved Pollock. I took a ton of photos for what reason I do not know. I think I got called a beach (alternate pronunciation) because I took too long staring at Starry Night which was much different than what I thought it would be.<br />
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+ <b>Chelsea Market</b> -- Foodie heaven! Lots and lots of shops that satisfy the appetite. I've never actually wished I would have overeaten except for when we left Chelsea Market...because there were just so many awesome things to try. We didn't overeat though at all. We ate a taco and a danish. First time I can say I felt like Scarlett O'Hara at the picnic undereating so as not to look like a pig. What a loss.<br />
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+ <b>The High Line</b> -- Elevated railway turned park. Pretty cool. Not a must see. Or, maybe a must see if you were there on a warmer day and/or you were also going to see the Whitney...which we would have totally done (yes, even though we had already spent two and a half hours at MOMA) if we would have had more time.<br />
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+ <b>The NYE ball </b>-- We didn't actually do the real deal down in Time Square squished in tight with people who keep bumping into me and I've been standing here for six hours but can't get to a bathroom so I just peed myself party, but it didn't matter much. We did hang out on the streets for a while. The ball was in sight from our hotel and it's really pretty in person (even though it looks really far away and just white in the photos) but then we mostly just had a blast partying out at the hotel bar and talking to people and feeling sorry for the suckers out on the streets. I passed out thirty minutes before the ball drop in true mom fashion of which Paul caught on camera and will never let me live down... as he shouldn't. Still so much fun!<br />
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+ <b>Walking through the city -- </b>It's the in between sometimes that sticks out in my mind most about travel. When Paul and I walked through residential streets in Santa Barbara. When we walked an entire square around Charleston--whoops. And this time, when we walked in the cold and windy streets of NYC at night because I thought it would be a fun way to kill time before the comedy club and Paul and I had walked so much already we had to stop at a CVS and get him shoe inserts... it's that unexpected normal stuff that I love so much. It's not on the itinerary. It's just what happens and it's awesome. Especially when it's just walking through a city and feeling wonderfully out of place together.<br />
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+ <b>Mass celebrated by Cardinal Dolan at St. Patrick's</b> -- I didn't actually let tears fall from my face because I looked around and everyone else seemed to be playing it cool, but guys... it is just so beautiful there. The grandeur is just intense. I will always treasure that. I've always had these emotional pricks in the communion line shuffling up in humility and awe to Christ. Whether it be in the church I was raised in when I was younger or the church we go to now, toddler on hip and nudging Thomas forward, and all those we've been to in between. In those moments I'm thinking about how we are all welcome to walk forward and receive Christ. Sinners. Hopers. Those lost. Those hurt. Those happy. Those looking and longing. Those in need of daily bread. As I walk forward I have this massive (albeit temporary) ripping open in my heart thinking of people from all around the world walking forward, bringing what they have and what they need to that altar, to that reception. But to feel that communion in St. Patrick's. It just hit me so hard and I will never, ever so long as I live forget it. Also, I heart Cardinal Dolan.<br />
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<b>We are so grateful that our parents (both sets) have been generous and gracious with us, that they've watched our kids so that we could take trips away.</b> We are excited to take lots of trips with the boys more and more as they get older. But this season the past couple years, post twins... I'll keep this discreet, but suffice it to say it is much needed and even more appreciated that our parents have helped us make special trips away happen so we can reconnect and feel grounded and make special memories together just the two of us. It's a radical act to cut into life as a whole family and run off with your spouse, but I think it takes some radical acts sometimes to do what's right for your family and every family is so unique in what that looks like. This trip away blessed and reinvigorated our relationship so much. I'm deeply grateful. I'm also glad to be back home amidst our ordinary days and doing all that normal work at home loving on these guys, making small things special right here moment by moment and day by day. <br />
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<br />Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-71255628092228499382016-01-08T04:25:00.000-08:002016-01-08T04:37:37.572-08:00The Year of a Bigger YesLast year I turned 30. My mortality tapped me on the shoulder, it shook me from my slumber. I can't do or be all the things (or even think I'm going to--even more noteworthy), and that's ok. It's humbling. But there's freedom there in seeing things just as they are too.<br />
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This year, I want to run with that.<br />
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<b>2016 is my year of a bigger yes.</b><br />
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I'm recommitting. I'm doubling down. I'm digging deep right exactly where my feet stand.<br />
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+ Seven and a half years ago I held Paul's hands and vowed to love and care for him. I was young and stupid. I didn't know what that meant. I loved an idea of him. But now I love him and learn more about him each year. <br />
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+ Five years ago we bought this house. We are happy and grateful every day for this space (and so close to being done with the process of a refi to a 15 year term--woohoo!).<br />
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+ Six years ago Thomas made me a brand new mom & two years ago Alistair & Emerick cried side by side for me in the hospital room and my heart both times said, "yes, thank you, yes."<br />
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+ Three years ago, I decided to be a stay at home mom--to better meet our family's needs. Three years, wow. It's been very difficult and also very rewarding. It's the right choice for us, but that doesn't mean it comes easy or natural.<br />
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+ Last year, we eagerly (and a bit nervously too) began homeschooling...and it's been huge. Huge. It is our happy place. I have big plans. There's no lid on my joy anymore.<br />
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<b>These are big things I've said yes to</b>. There are lots of little things too. Like the way it matters to me that my body is in the shape that feels right. That I paint and write and take walks and think in the dark early of the morning. That I invite people in. That I travel and push myself in things that I've never done before. That I finish tasks completely, with excellence. That I read and write a lot.<br />
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<i>Oh, and one not little at all thing too but that I tend to not write much of here. That my yes to Christ is a big yes even after all these years (16-ish) and all the turning over and through of good and bad, of dark and light since my confirmation. </i><br />
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<b>What does our big yes look like in the little moments? </b>When we are scrubbing the toilet or making the bed. When we discipline the child or welcome home our husband. When we are serving dinner or getting dressed for the day. When we do wake up early for some some time to ourselves but it's so tempting to scroll through a feed or three on the phone. When we read aloud. When we play with our kids. When we work. When we listen.<br />
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I'm happy where I'm at at 31. If more gets added to my plate or things change, that's cool. But just as things are...I feel truly blessed. I bumbled my way through and yet come out the other side of my 20's in a place I dreamed to be.<br />
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But dreams aren't scooped up and preserved with one yes. I have work, work, work, work, work and more work to do. This year is about me doing that work. And I'm pretty pumped!<br />
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<br />Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-26509937000859096582015-11-23T13:32:00.000-08:002015-11-23T13:41:00.799-08:00Bits & Pieces : homeschooling thoughts beyond the curriculum <b>I said in a previous post (about what resources we've been using for homeschooling our kindergartner) that I had some other things I wanted to share.</b> <br />
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I'm unpacking my thoughts in bits and pieces. Nothing profound here. Just things I'm thinking and working on a lot lately.<br />
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+ <b>As a new homeschool parent, balance is tricky. </b>I need to keep up the house. I need to make sure the kids are getting the best possible (while also reasonable) educational experience. I need to take care of myself. I want to keep cooking awesome stuff and spending a bit of time exercising and enjoying my time with Paul. Here's sorta how I've managed to pin it down...<br />
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+ <b>My mornings (except Wednesday) are blocked off for my top priorities: housekeeping & homeschool. </b>What I have found in the past three months that works best is this sort of weaving of the two threads. I don't have Thomas sit for hours until he is finished with schoolwork. I do it in short bursts of quality one-on-one time in between cleaning. Our morning looks something like this: We eat breakfast. Then I clean a bit. I put away clean dishes while the boys play for a moment. Then we all sit with books and I read a couple chapters out loud (or picture books if I'm reading the crowd and the crowd is already loud at 7:30 a.m.). Then I will get up and make my bed and clean the bathroom and start some laundry. Then I will teach Thomas a lesson. Then I will do more cleaning. Then I will teach Thomas or the boys some more. Then maybe snacks or cooking of some kind. Then another school lesson or activity. This is not exact clockwork. It's just essentially housework, then homeschool, then housework, then homeschool... And on and on until lunch. It literally feels like I'm braiding two cords together. I'm hoping that makes since to someone.<br />
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+ <b>What do we really want to teach? </b>I'm very passionate and knowledgeable about the academic portion of education, but now I keep thinking about everything else. And here the distinction between a homeschooling parent and any other parent completely dissipates. But I have to ask myself--That's great if you <i>know</i> something, but what can you <i>do? </i>That question. Or this one--That's great if you <i>know</i> something, but what good is it without <i>character? </i>It's not either/or. We have to teach both. I'm just thinking that we get it wrong often in thinking much more of the academic portion of learning (and where we send or keep our kids to learn) than we do all the other things we should be teaching: morality, work ethic, integrity, service, and so forth. <br />
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It doesn't matter how awesome the "schooling" is, or honestly, to some degree, how mediocre, or where it is taking place. Knowledge has little place to land and take root without that foundation of gratitude and hard work and self-awareness and empathy for others. When I was in the public school system it was those students with that maturity and character development from their home life whom I would look at and think that when it all washed out (those ways in which we measure learning in schools), it wouldn't matter what grades <i>those students</i> received. They had all the tools they would need and when they bumped up or against their needs or jobs or discovered missions as adults, they would bring forth and bring to themselves all the "knowledge" they would need specifically because of that foundation of everything else that can't be measured by tests but only fed by an abundance of intentionality, nurturing, discipline, direction and love on the part of parents.<br />
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+ <b>I'm very grateful for this. </b>I'm glad we are here, that we are homeschooling. I'm blessed at this time and place in my life that the way in which I'm providing for my family is the very same thing that endlessly feeds me. I love all things teaching and learning. I always, always have. Teaching looks different for me now than when I was teaching teenagers (and I do miss those teenagers!), but I have so much experience and passion to pull from. I have very practical knowledge to use as well. <br />
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I think we should all be able to enjoy that feeling of being really good at something. I've worked so hard at becoming good at housekeeping... It's a slow and steady uphill battle for me. But to be teaching again! It literally feels like a breath of fresh air every day. I know little tricks for when Thomas is stuck or how to take a lesson and put a spin on it. I have oodles of content knowledge and I have sober memories when I taught more than let students learn... and so I keep that in my heart and mind as well. <br />
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+ <b>Drawing on our why.</b> Earlier this year, I wrote down ten reasons we wanted to homeschool. Six had nothing to do with academics. I'm glad I took the time to do that. Comparing our school to a brick and mortar is like comparing apples to oranges. We have different aims. I won't shy away from sharing with you that I think we (our culture at large) are getting some things very wrong with early education.<br />
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Let them play. Let them pretend they've got guns. Let them stare and dig in dirt and run around. We are taking academic disappointments in America and running those fears into the way we teach small children. I see parents panicking about preschools and maybe this is because most of us are full time working mommies now. But c'mon people. Where is the common sense? Have you watched a child learn? Have you led them to a clean room with books and crayons and coloring paper nearby? Why do we insist on the ridiculous demands on small children?<br />
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Maybe it's not actually happening at the school you send your children, but it is increasingly all too common. Ridiculous PC nonsense. Fights from parents for just slivers of recess. Upped and upped pressure on kindergartners to read (even though the research has again and again and again and again shown that this is a crap approach). Loads of homework going home this very afternoon with kids who should be going home to play and sit with mom and talk to dad over dinner and not be thinking about more math. <br />
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Whew. I could just not ever stop on this one. Anyway, yeah. Six of our reasons (mind you--for a kindergartner only) had nothing to do with academics and I still feel just exactly like that way. This isn't to say we aren't doing some rigorous, high quality things with the academic portion. It's just that when I'm watching Thomas read to the twins or make lunch with me or build Legos or putz around the backyard, I can't help but think I'm nearly fighting for that margin in his life right now because it is one of those things I feel immensely passionate and super convicted about.<br />
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Okay, I'll stop there. Maybe more later. <br />
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<b>Chat with me in the comments. You know you know you know I love chatting about this stuff.</b><br />
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And sorry for the grammatical errors. I wrote this in a rush and Thomas is up from a nap and asking me questions about termites now.<br />
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Also, Thomas recited a wee poem. Here's the video if you're into that sort of thing.<br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uuo036mD6PI" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uuo036mD6PI</a><br />
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<br />Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-30007759076416561152015-11-15T07:50:00.001-08:002015-11-15T08:54:51.144-08:00Home to Me<div>
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<b>Home</b>. It's nearly my whole world (and especially so since I started staying at home when the twins were born). Paul and I have been building up our home in bits, whether in the duplex we started in when newly married or the ranch style house we bought almost 5 years ago. I have much to be grateful for and too much to say. The following I'm sharing with you is little bits and pieces, notes and highlights of our happy home strung together day after day, year after year, moment to moment. Come on in and sit. Pour yourself a cup of coffee and imagine it was really me. </div>
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xoxox,</div>
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Ash</div>
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Home is comfort.</b> Warm mugs of tea. Soft blankets for cuddling on the couch with the kids. Bowls of soup familiar. Cold winter nights, dark enveloping us early. Dim lights and soft music. Candle flickering, encouraging me to keep bright my own flame.<br />
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<b>Home is loud. </b>Saturday family dance parties to Metallica (+orchestra) songs. Three small boys shooting invisible guns and roaring their lion jaws. Paul stomping in to tackle & tickle & destroy. Music streaming through all the speakers: Taylor Swift singing us through pick up time.<br />
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<b>Home is humble. </b>Popcorn ceilings and blinds to be replaced---someday. Tiny fingerprints on the windows & a dining table with happy scars from lingering meals with loved ones. Our things made beautiful by our use of them. This is no museum home. This is the real thing. Wooden floors that know our dancing feet. Walls that listen in on our reading voices. A counter that has held a thousand meals. </div>
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<b>Home is intimate</b>. Vulnerability lays her head here with us. We are challenged & split open. Spilled milk. Long days. Whiny kids. Disappointing each other & saying sorry & trying again and again to love with our hands pouring coffee and setting the table. This family here--we know, we see each other & ourselves--this is our chance to come to harbor & drop anchor only to be shaken on shore just as we were rocked at sea, to get so close that we can't help but understand more, know more, to see truth and set pain free. </div>
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<b>Home is color. </b>Vibrant children's book illustrations. A heap of just clean laundry on the dining table. Thomas's watercolor paintings & the mess of toys at my feet. And the food! Red peppers slices and green beans snapped by little hands. Muddy faces and green leaves to stare up into and through on warm summer days. Sparkly eye shadow applied with stolen moments from kids. Pumpkin bread, butter melting, on a crisp fall day. </div>
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<b>Home is creativity. </b>Blank canvas propped on the easel. Long financial conversations for us to come together & think big. Little routines & habits built daily by intention. Family values set to work in real time. A new recipe posted to the fridge for Saturday. Making a simple dinner from bits of things found in the fridge--and somehow, by magic... by love, feels special all the same. </div>
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<b>Home is school.</b> Textbooks marked with bright post-its for tomorrow's lessons. A school basket stuffed with exciting things to learn. Math manipulatives lined up on the kitchen counter while I cook just three feet away. Sharp pencils, eager & ready. Broken crayons. And books everywhere, everywhere, everywhere. Words lift up off the page and make us laugh, make us think, make us know. We savor all those things in books like little threads of gold weaving into our hearts & minds. But then we get up off the couch & off the floor & learn by doing. Our life is our school. We touch truth in the physical. In crawling caterpillars and bark peeled, in awkward conversations with neighbors and the hateful kid at the Y. How to measure flour and clean a toilet well and fold socks into each other and the time it takes for the cupcakes to bake. </div>
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<b>Home is renewal.</b> Clean sheets. Sunday naps. Sitting in one of our big chairs just to simply sit and be silent. Nights of vegging out with Netflix, slow mornings with pancakes, laughing (coffee cups in hand) at the funny things the kids are doing. Hot showers for thinking & resetting. Thick socks. Lotion pressed into cracked feet & clean clothes ready to face another day to be filled in with little, colorful notes of pride in hard work and gratitude for good things. </div>
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<b>Home is happy.</b> Memories of years past twinkling on the Christmas tree. Happy heart ache for small bodies quickly growing out of clothes. Leaning into just being & letting things be. Cooking side by side and remembering all those other times aproned up and arguing, making too much & cooking big & loving it. Board games. Lifted glasses. Feet intertwined under table while we talk with our eyes and ignore just a little the kids surrounding us from every reach. </div>
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<b>Home is goodness.</b> Interruptions that pierce selfishness. More water for little mouths. A bowl completely full of eggshells and still not enough. Clothing the naked (all the time naked). Wiping tears. Listening carefully. Choosing peace, building it up. Pouring on the grace & giving space for ugly, bumbling growth. Praying for our daily bread. Loving as Christ urged--because even though I've said yes to these people, they are still imperfect and hurting and hoping like me. Fully loving them and not just in beautiful aims but hard won small acts of service is a daily yes, an hourly yes, a constant yes to love in ways I didn't think I was capable of before, in ways I wasn't capable of before. Home is the sacred place opened up to me, door wide- a gritty real, a beautiful domestic, a humble space to dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. </div>
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This post is part of the “Home to Me” blog hop, hosted by Julie Walsh of These Walls. During the two weeks from Friday, November 13 through Thanksgiving Day, more than a dozen bloggers will share about what the concept of “home” means to them. “Home” can been elusive or steady. It can be found in unexpected places. It is sought and cherished and mourned. It is wrapped up in the people we love. As we turn our minds and hearts toward home at the beginning of this holiday season, please visit the following blogs to explore where/what/who is “Home to Me.”<br />
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November 13 – Julie @ <a href="http://thesewallsblog.com/">These Walls</a></div>
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November 14 – Leslie @ <a href="http://lifeineverylimb.com/">Life in Every Limb</a></div>
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November 20 – Melissa @ <a href="http://storiesmychildrenaretiredofhearing.blogspot.com/">Stories My Children Are Tired of Hearing</a></div>
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Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-61885637459254527052015-11-12T11:24:00.000-08:002015-11-12T11:26:34.677-08:00Homeschool Notes: Year 1, Week 12<b>We are in our 12th week of our first year of homeschooling</b>. I thought this would be a good place to stop and gather some notes about where we are at and how it is working. <br />
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This post is right up the homeschool junkie's alley. Lots of specific details about our right here, right now homeschooling.<br />
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(Note: I'm on easy street at the moment. Homeschooling one 5 year old--labeled kindergartner, doing a lot of 1st grade work. Managing toddler twins and trying to include them in as much as we can but also not stressing over a set of goals or curriculum for them just yet.)<br />
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Last year we worked through <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Teach-Your-Child-Read-Lessons/dp/0671631985/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1447355988&sr=8-1&keywords=100+easy+lessons+to+teach+your+child+to+read">100 Easy Lessons</a>. This year we are working through <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Ordinary-Parents-Guide-Teaching-Reading/dp/0972860312/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1447356020&sr=8-1&keywords=Ordinary+Parent%27s+guide">Ordinary Parent's Guide to Teaching Reading</a> (lesson 109 as of today). I did not like the Ordinary Parent's Guide the first time I attempted to use it. I think the poem used to teach vowel sounds is more overwhelming than it is helpful for a blossoming reader (and we actually lurve poetry here, so... yeah). I skipped that section. Everything else has been G O L D. It's extremely thorough. I'm a huge fan. We are on track to finish by May.<br />
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+ <b>Language</b><br />
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We just started <a href="http://www.amazon.com/First-Language-Lessons-Well-Trained-Mind/dp/1933339446/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1447356366&sr=8-1&keywords=the+first+language+lessons">First Language Lessons</a> this week, so I won't give my opinion yet. From what I can tell, it will fit our needs nicely. We shall see. There are 100 lessons in this book. I'm aiming to complete this by end of year.<br />
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We started the year with a handful of poems to memorize. I eventually ditched that. Momma gut. It just didn't feel right to me. I know just about every homeschooling family memorizes poetry. We will do that. Just not now. I'm starting right where we are at: 1. We already love it so we will keep reading lots and lots of it. 2. Building up a collection of resources. My mom & dad gave us a little bit of money to use for homeschooling and we used it to buy, among a couple other things that were sitting on my Amazon wish list for forever, A Child's Book of Poems by Gyo Fujikawa. Totally swooning over it. I'm going to have "Little Things" memorized in no time.<br />
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+ <b>Independent reading </b><br />
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Thomas declared a goal to read all of the Elephant & Piggie books. He has one left that we are waiting for from the library. I keep beginner readers in our morning basket so that he always has quick access to those. It's my gentle nudge for more practice, but mostly he reads all the picture books we have in the sunroom (A LOT). He reads everything though. He is really hitting a stride, and I'm amazed every single day at his growth. He's starting to read comic books as well. I'm excited to see what he will be able to read by the end of the year, but I feel very confident that no matter what we do--he'll be fine.<br />
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+ <b>Read aloud stuff</b><br />
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I'm a little sad that our read aloud experience isn't the same as when Thomas was 4 and I would read him to sleep every day. It was so lovely and I have so many fond memories. RIP Thomas's naps.<br />
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But we have to be true to our season and so that's how it is. Now our read aloud time looks like this: We put the twins to bed. I clean up the kitchen a little. Thomas plays with Lego on my bedroom floor and I read to him from my bed. [No, we don't include the twins in read aloud time right now. We will eventually. We did last year and it pretty much felt like a pot of boiling water with a lid on top. Right now we just read lots of picture books to them and poetry too.] So far this year we've read <i>The Green Ember, My Father's Dragon, </i>and<i> Hoot</i>. I'm really, really wanting to start the Chronicles of Narnia series. Too soon?<br />
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+ <b>Our picture books goal</b><br />
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I made a goal to read 1000 picture books this year. This experience has been awesome. We are behind a touch, but I still think we can still do it by the end of the year. I've been taking all sorts of notes about the books we read. There have been some really awesome ones, and I've grown to love children's lit in a whole new way. We just signed Thomas up for a library card this week. Now we will be able to check out 100 books rather than only 50 at a time. True sign of a homeschooling family. One library card does not cut it anymore. <br />
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+ <b>Handwriting</b><br />
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Thomas flew through the kindergarten level of the Zaner-Bloser book. He's about a sixth of the way through the 1st grade ZB book now. He told someone this past week that handwriting is his favorite thing to do for school. However, he also told a man in Walmart two weeks ago that his favorite part of school is the breaks. I'm sure the guy thought we were really hitting the books hard... or hardly. Next semester I'll have him to a bit of copy work from either The Harp & Laurel Wreath or other bits of beautiful language and wise words I've collected.<br />
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+ <b>Math</b><br />
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We are making our way through the 1st grade Saxon curriculum. I was slow to warm up to the Saxon program, but I'm seeing how the spiral method is so good for Thomas. I still think that a great teacher can make almost any resource shine. However, I give Saxon two thumbs up so far. We also started Life of Fred this week <heart eyes>, and Thomas and I have really enjoyed it. It's a world apart from Saxon, so I think it's a great way to switch things up. I also set Thomas up on Kahn Academy and let him practice there every once in a while. I think it's great for him to see math in different formats to reinforce what he learns primarily with the Saxon materials.<br />
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+ <b>History</b><br />
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This year we've read the 1st Story of the World (The Ancients) book. We are about halfway through the 2nd book about the Middle Ages. We read 2-3 picture books a week that are either on the topics we are reading with the SOTW book (castles, the feudal system, Marco Polo, etc.) or are just social studies/history books in general. We plan on taking a trip to D.C. next year for our family vacation. I'm rolling around in my head how we can utilize homeschool to really prime Thomas (and the twins??) for all the awesome things we will see.<br />
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+ <b>Science</b><br />
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We read 3-5 science picture books a week. We look through a lot of science materials we have on hand (children's encyclopedia and other science reference books). We do *some* science experiments when I have extra time. I love that we are learning oodles. I do not love that we are not doing it in an organized manner or even just recording it in an organized manner. Even though reading & math (in my opinion) trump science education at this age by far, I still want to be a bit more orderly in the way we approach things. Working on it.<br />
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+ <b>Art</b><br />
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We manage about 1 formal art lesson a week. I have him practice simple concepts related to art, complete different activities with materials that are more open ended, or we imitate the art of someone else. Last week we just painted together. About a third of the art we complete is just that. It's art that has a natural purpose and prompting to it, and isn't set up as a structured activity. <br />
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+ <b>Music </b><br />
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We could definitely do better with this. We sing lots of songs with the twins, listen to lots of classical and international music, and read (as with everything else) some picture books that are music related. I just listened to Pam Barnhill's Morning Basket podcast about music appreciation, and that was very helpful. It's time we beefed up this area of learning. <br />
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+ <b>Other Stuff</b><br />
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We do a lot of learning in the kitchen. Thomas cooks with me several times a week. We work on communication skills with a lot of intention (Thomas loves to talk, but we are both working a lot on listening right now). We also practice a lot of practical life skills-- everything from manners to matching socks to fixing things around the house. I realize every mom does this, but I am noting it. I think it's just as important as phonics and subtracting numbers, and I would like to give even more thought and planning to this area of our schooling.<br />
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Oh gosh. I've barely made a dent into what I was going to type. Maybe I will do another post on all the other stuff about homeschooling: ordering our home and day, finding balance, where we are headed, the fulfillment I've found, the stuff I'm working on and thinking about, my observations on the learning process, and so forth. I have tons and tons I could say. <br />
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<b>Any questions for me on the nitty-gritty stuff? Anything I left out that you want to know?</b> Ask me anything. And if you're homeschooling, how's it going?<br />
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<br />Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-13748662202623376822015-10-28T13:01:00.002-07:002015-10-28T14:08:15.347-07:00Money making? Money saving? Or saving within the spending?<b>Women, </b>no matter what their work schedule looks like,<b> can feel overwhelmed and even guilt-ridden over how we save or make money.</b> We talk about mommy guilt. Oh, the mommy guilt. I think there's so many ways this can manifest for women. One way though that is not as obvious as breast vs. bottle or home vs. day care is wrapped up in the choices about how we make or save money. I want to detangle it from the rest. It's a guilt that is clouding up our big picture.<br />
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I don't thrift shop. My sister-in-law, Jessica, does and she's dang good at it. She would be my go-to guide if and when I needed to dip into that resource. Not only is she good at it, but it brings her joy. That's the trick. Enjoying the way we provide or finding enjoyment in the ways we provide. We chatted about that this past weekend when we spent an extended weekend in Alabama meeting brand new baby Grace & catching up with family.<br />
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The truth is I hate shopping. I always have. The only time I really found enjoyment in shopping was about a year ago when I would, after a week of watching my boys as well as my nephews (and especially weeks when Paul was also traveling), go to the mall on Friday night for a couple hours to walk around and feel like a grown-up again. That was fun, but it is definitely not my norm. The soul suck is strong when I cross paths with a rack of clothes. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Those glorious day care days! :)</td></tr>
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<b>My norm is going without</b>. I've had the same coat for 7 years. I wore my shoes down so badly in college, my parents asked me to throw them away. Every year I tell myself I'm going to buy a pair of boots... and I don't. There's a beautiful sense of savoring in that for me. I don't want things all at once in a mad rush. I don't even necessarily want them when I can afford them. I still want to wait. There's probably a curious subset of the population just like me--the waiters.<br />
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But it's not like I'm some amazing money saver just because I wait for a lot of things. There's other things I just buy outright. All I'm saying is that I know my strength. I also know my weakness as well as my parameters. That's me personally, but then there's something even bigger -- our family dynamic.<br />
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<b>Paul and I are better at making money than saving money. </b>And I actually here mean "the saving within the spending" kind of saving. Actually saving the money is not the problem. Actually making the money is not the problem. It's the "saving within the spending" that is not our strength. We do okay. We make a lot of homemade food. We know when to catch good sales. We know you can stack savings. We know sales loop around continuously. Our negotiating skills are okay. But it is actually not worth our time to toil hours and hours over how we purchase things. We take on work better than we cut out coupons.<br />
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<b>I feel like there's scandal in that--to say that our family identity is more closely aligned in making money than in the saving within the spending of the money. </b>It shouldn't be that way though. There's honor in all forms of stewardship.<br />
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I'm so grateful that our generation is getting back to the roots. There are calls for less materialism and consumerism. There's a call to return home (read Homeward Bound!). There's a call to do meaningful work. That's all good. But I feel we've thrown the baby out with the bath water. We can't be all things. Build up a home of DIY from A to Z and build a stocky career. Or at least not the mom AND the dad. This equation of do all the things just doesn't work. You can't work 50 hours and brew your beer and mow your lawn and shop at 3 different stores to get the best deals on groceries and wash your diapers and clean your house and make that organic well-balanced meal. You can't. So stop. <br />
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Stop telling yourself that if you finally get it together you are going to do all the things. You were not made to do all the things. Your eyes are open and my eyes are open and we can see all the things because they are all over this screen. What your friend did for her kid's birthday. That Halloween costume another mom made. The food your friend keeps posting on Instagram. Good for her. Not for you. Right? Can I get an Amen?<br />
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I'm not advocating being lazy or wasteful. I'm not advocating sloughing off responsibility. I think there's so much reward in homemade pizza or dirt turned over by our own hands. What I am saying is that each person can't be it all nor should they try. They have to say no to a great many things to say yes to the either money making or money saving methods that help their family thrive. <br />
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<b>Essentialism.</b> Honing in on that one thing. What's your one thing? Don't let all the other details drag you down. If you find time for them--awesome. But if you don't? You're totally fine because you are doing your thing!<br />
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As women lean into supporting one another I hope we can respect those differences. I hope we can see there is no shame in a woman working to make money just as there is no shame in a women sorting through hand-me-downs or baking bread. We are all providing for our families. We are all, by our work that can look drastically different from our neighbors, friends and even mothers, clocking in so we can clock out for time with loved ones (today and/or maybe a tomorrow we are storing up for...)<br />
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<b>We all have beautiful gifts that come alive and light up when we strike those things that both meet our purpose and give us delight too</b>. It might be in homeschooling or in working part-time or in being an independent seller or being a freaking hawk of a buyer at the grocery store or in slipping into those slacks each day and driving into work. <br />
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<b>I'm going to be thinking more on this too.</b> I'm going to think about what I do that helps make or save money for my family. I'm going to think about opportunities that I need to explore and be open-minded t<br />
o. But I'm also going to choose peace that my family and the way we run our finances and make the numbers work for us is just as unique as the next family. There is no better. Just good stewardship in different forms. Saying no to some things. Saying a big yes to others. But living with a focus on providing in the way we've set out to do.<br />
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<b>How do you save or make money? What is your personal strength? Where would you like to grow in how you spend, save, or make money? Chat with me in the com box down below! </b></div>
<br />Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-49682886753826667172015-10-21T07:17:00.005-07:002015-10-21T07:25:33.437-07:00How you can utilize quarters to frame your personal lifeThis year I've dabbled with personal quarters, and I'm excited to use them next year with even more intention. <b>Personal quarters are time-wise aligned with tax quarters or fiscal quarters, but for the purpose of your growth, individually. </b><br />
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<i>1st quarter: January - March</i></div>
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<i>2nd quarter: April - June</i></div>
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<i>3rd quarter: July - September</i></div>
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<i>4th quarter: October - December </i></div>
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I've done an imperfect job this year of trying on the personal quarter. Regardless, I've really enjoyed the new perspective. 90 days is that sweet spot. It is enough time to get big things accomplished, but it isn't so little time (like a month) where stopping to plan and reflect gets in the way of actually doing the work. <br />
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<b>Here's a specific illustration of how the use of personal quarters helped me this year. </b>My 3rd quarter was very medical. We had ER visits that led to the boys' diagnosis of hemophilia. I had a lot to learn. Essentially, think crash course in hemophilia. There were numerous, numerous long conversations with specialists, our pediatrician, our at-home nurse, and our insurance company. I walked through a bit of the grieving process to readjust expectations and let my momma heart breathe. <br />
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<b>Then, I was looking at the last three months of the year & felt joy</b>. I've become accustomed to new starts every three months. I was able to frame July, August, & September around this positive sense of learning lots about my boys and hemophilia, something waiting in them for two years for us to discover. Even though that aspect of our lives is not neatly tied up and put away, there won't be the same intensity with which we had in this specific chunk of months. I was able to start October fresh & joyful. I was able to look forward and not feel stuck, to readjust and feel renewed to keep going.<br />
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That's why I love stopping every 3 months to pull everything back together to rewrite the plan. It makes room for the unexpected, but also helps me remember not to get distracted from my original intentions.<br />
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Here are some ways you could use the personal quarter framework for you. Pick and choose what you want: <br />
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1. <b>Use a personal quarterly review guide.</b> <a href="https://drive.google.com/open?id=0ByAeEWtXz1ebQkNpa3FwVnVfQTQ">You are welcome to use this one that I created.</a> (<i>I modified it from something I found on another site and as soon as I find that site I'll give her due credit here.</i>) You also could create a simple one for yourself that's essentially directed at reviewing the previous quarter and planning for the quarter ahead. I get such a sense of pleasure in taking pen to paper, but you can also walk through these questions with mind maps or talking through them with someone else.<br />
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2. <b>Block out a 2 - 3 hour chunk of alone time to think. </b>Journal at Panera. Go on a long hike. If you are in a survival season, maybe just a super long soak in the bathtub, candles lit and lights dim. Just pick your flavor of whatever that will allow you space from everyday life and especially that long to do list. This is time to think big picture. Replay scenes from the last three months. What did you feel? What did you learn? Now visualize what you want the next three months to look like, to feel like. Are there things in your value system that need fed? You don't have to write down a single thing to make use out of personal quarters. Sometimes the best growth happens when we stop to be still and listen.<br />
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3. <b>Retool the budget.</b> Where our money goes is a good indication of our values. Security. Friendships. Time with family. Flashy, nice things. Freedom. It will show up in the numbers, so updating a budget also serves as a way of thinking about your value system as well. Then there's changes. Salary changes. Changes in family size. A notice that your mortgage bill went down. New opportunities that cost or bring in more money. Just on a practical level, I've found updating (as in actually revisiting what amount we are allowing for each area, not in making sure the numbers are accurate) the budget every three months is the most realistic. <i>*I would love to share how we use our online bank, Simple, to budget (it's flipping awesome--the best!), but I need to figure out how to do that tech-wise and if there's any interest, so let me know if that's something you would like to see.</i><br />
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4. <b>Celebrate! </b>If you don't take time to acknowledge the great things that you accomplished or ways in which you grew, you are robbing yourself of extra energy to take on even more. I've found celebrating insights, new skills, and achievements to give me both gratitude and contentment. It isn't all about being goal driven. It's about seeing that life is both good and bad and that there is always good to be recognized. Life will go on. There will always be difficult things. We should take time to savor the good things too! Date night. A special, related purchase. A bottle of wine and a special meal made side by side at home with your husband. Stop, celebrate and be glad.<br />
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5. <b>Keep it simple with answering this one statement-- "I need____________________"</b><br />
How would you finish that statement? For me, right now, I need everything in its place in our home. That's why I'm reorganizing all the spaces in our house for my 4th quarter. This need was really "highlighted" as soon as we started homeschooling. What this statement really delivers is tackling your biggest problem. If you can take on your big problem, other things will fall into place as a benefit. Do you need to feel healthier? Do you need to have more time? Do you need to reconnect with your spouse? Do you need to feel happier at work?<br />
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Now answer this question: <b>What needs to be true in order for _____________________ ?</b><br />
<b> </b>& fill in your need. Ex: What needs to be true in order for us to feel peace in our home? What needs to be true in order for me to have time to be creative? What needs to be true in order for me to get a promotion?<br />
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<i>How do you set goals? Do you set monthly, quarterly or yearly goals? Have you every tried to use some version of personal quarters?</i>Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-72343065597682585612015-10-19T11:29:00.000-07:002015-10-19T11:31:26.484-07:00What do you wish you had known about caring for your dog before bringing it home? <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>Paul and I are talking about getting a dog.</b> It may be a very long time before I'm ready or we may decide not to get a dog at all, but I'm at least open to considering it now. </div>
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Before the twins were born, I would have laughed at the idea of us having a dog. But then along came Alistair and Emerick.</div>
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I've never seen little kids so obsessed with dogs. When they see a neighbor walking a dog across the street on the sidewalk, they ask to open the door so they can blow kisses. 50% of the tantrums the twins have ever had are over not getting to go hang out with a dog they've spotted. </div>
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<b>Emerick especially wants to pet every dog that walks near.</b> Yesterday, he took a book to bed with him about a therapy dog named Lola. This is usual behavior for him, schlepping a dog-related item around with him all day long and still clinging to it at night. When I checked on him, he had the book under his head as he was sleeping. And actually, it's not just dogs with him. Dogs are absolutely #1 for sure, but when he was at Paul's parents' house, he (a two year old who had never been around chickens before) was scooping up chickens and cradling them in his arms. It astounds me the way kids are so strikingly their own person. </div>
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Here's where you come in. I need your advice, input, and wisdom. <b>I want to know what you wish you had known before buying your dog. <please></b></div>
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Was it more expensive than you thought it would be?</div>
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Did your dog's demeanor end up different than what you knew that breed to be? </div>
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Did you have trouble training the dog?</div>
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Did you learn something in the buying process? </div>
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Did you end up doing all the work taking care of the dog?</div>
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I guess these questions are tilted pretty negative. If you had positive, unexpected things about your experience, that would be good for me to hear too. </div>
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The three most daunting things about a dog for me: 1.) long term decision 2.) smell 3.) just more work. And there's the costs too, which we've already looked at, and those are pretty sobering. </div>
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That's me being real with you. I would love to make my boys happy, but we can visit someone else's dogs or maybe have a lower maintenance animal if we decide dogs are too much (see #3). </div>
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<b>So, give it to me. Be honest -- please. Good, bad, whatever.</b> Anything you think might help. </div>
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You can post anonymously or message me as well if you want to be more discrete. ;)</div>
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<br />Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-9786600894573409932015-10-14T12:04:00.001-07:002015-10-14T20:15:13.857-07:00When there's something lodged up in your heartI'm camped at the dining table. I think it's because of the sun coming through the windows along the back of our house. Those windows, despite a fragmented mural of smudged little handprints, are flooding my home with happy. And I need that sunshine today. <br />
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<b>Ever have one of those weeks where you just get whammy after whammy of slams from real life? </b><br />
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That's me this week, so far. It's nothing that bad really. It just adds up.<br />
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Thomas cussed in PSR on Sunday. He spent an hour writing letters of apology when he came home. I get that. I cuss. I've been stressed as +%&% trying my best to keep the twins from hurting themselves this summer ever since we found out they have hemophilia. I average one really tiny heart attack about once a day when someone gets hurt. <br />
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I've had to reverse five years of being chill. I've had to turn this ship around and be on high alert and keep things um, mild--- you know, because it's easy to have three boys playing together without things getting rough. Boys don't like to tumble and jump and climb. I don't know if you've ever met boys, but they like to keep things calm. Really, really, really calm.<br />
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Anyway, so there was Thomas's cussing which wasn't funny but I 100% got. it. And poor kid. He never once said, "I learned that from my mom." I was waiting for him to spill that out in front of Sister Jeanne. I was waiting for him to say that his mom runs around calling out for Jesus in loud ways, but it never came. He just kept saying that he knows that bad word. And I wanted to tell him telepathically that I owe him for life.<br />
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<b>It's hard to see your sins take shape on your kids and walk around bumping into things</b>.<br />
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Yesterday, I took the kids grocery shopping. A woman stopped me and said...<br />
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"I have utmost respect and admiration for you....<br />
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(and then the smile 1000% disappeared from her face before she continued with--)<br />
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"I nearly raised my two younger twin brothers and I wouldn't envy any of your life for the next 18 years."<br />
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And then she strolled off leaving me with my kids hangry and wanting to prowl about like wolves through the grocery store but strapped in our two stuffed carts.<br />
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Last night I told Thomas not to interrupt me on the phone unless someone was on fire or letting out blood. But then I saw why he still tried to interrupt me on my phone call. He had gone to fix the crayon on his closet wall and had done a wonderful job except for one small point: He had scrubbed the wallpaper off along with the orange crayon. Ok. Awesome. So the wallpaper needs to be removed and the closet needs painted.<br />
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Yesterday, I could have sworn Emerick woke up with pink eye. I saw white puss. I heard a long babbling story from him and lots of crying. Who knows what goes on in that room sometimes. I Googled all the stuff I needed to know and was at the ready. But that passed. <br />
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But then at the opposite end of the day Thomas was curled in a ball and said his stomach hurt real real bad. And he said maybe he had poop lodged up in his heart. I gave him water and told him a vitamin might help because I was also dealing with the twins and needed a stall tactic. He mentioned maybe eating a leaf a couple days ago. I went to question him about this and found him passed out in my bed.<br />
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Then the twins had their speech evaluation today. Maybe there will be more speech evaluations. Maybe not. I know I will get Alistair's hearing checked. Add it to the list! You know what I mean. The list. It's just so long, right? At some point I'm not going to feel like someone is punching me in the gut when we are assessing what's "wrong" with my child. I'm just not there yet. <br />
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And the guilt from having twins. Having multiple kids. Just wondering all the things. Do I listen to that kid enough? Do I read to child #2 more than child #3? Do I take them out enough? Do they have enough friends? Was this nature? Was this nurture? Will this go away? Will I ever feel like I do enough? Do I do too much? And that's when you need to chill out. That's when you know your brain is fried and you need to just. shut. up. and deal later.<br />
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<b>But wait, there's more. </b> But Ashley, you've already complained enough! NO. NOT DONE!!<br />
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Here's how Paul's travel goes for me. He travels almost every week. We are on week 5 in a row. And I'm normally fine. Totally fine. Really. It's like I was built for this. Minus I do love hanging out with Paul and I miss him, but when it comes down to it we all do what we need to as part of the plan. Anyway, yesterday I just felt so... lonely. So terribly lonely. <br />
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<b>Staying at home is already lonely. </b>It's like the only bad part of staying at home I just can't find a pretty way to tie up. And then you put travel on top of that. To laugh with your spouse at home??? There's nothing better. You are with illogical but adorable children all day and then your spouse comes home, helps you a bit, and you can laugh at your adorably illogical kids dancing together to loud music. You can look at each other and know without saying it that you love your kids so much and you are so, so grateful. Without that touchpoint each night. Without that talking to someone reasonable, discussing goals and tasks and thoughts and things you learned--that's really, stinking hard. Note this. After this season of life where motherhood of littles is intersecting with SAHMhood and Paul's constant traveling all in one place--I will never, ever overlook the loneliness of others. I totally, absolutely get it. <br />
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Anyway. Yesterday was one of those rare times where I just felt heartbreakingly alone. And then I went on a walk at the Y and things weren't magically better. It was bedtime so that was better. I stayed up reading The Martian, reading about his loneliness.<br />
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And then I woke at 1:00 a.m. to what sounded like a big dog and a little dog yapping like crazy for 20 minutes and so I was convinced that a killer slash robber was on the loose and coming for my house and so then I didn't fall asleep again until no memory at all because I was wired from life preservation overdrive and I woke up way late to hangry kids all over again.<br />
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Gosh. I don't know why I'm telling you all of this. I don't even have some wonderful wrap-up. I was going to slap one on but nah. I'm not reading into any of this. I'm not making something of it more than it is. <b>Sometimes we just see a lot of crap at our feet all at once and we have to roll up our sleeves and get to work. </b><br />
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Also, sometimes I like to write about women working or not working on this blog. I like to make things pretty. But let's get real. There's really awful parts about staying at home. There's really awful parts about working. The other way too. Great things too! Let's just cut the crap and be honest with each other. Sometimes, you can love what you do but not like it at all that day.... or couple days. But that's really fine!<br />
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How's your day today? And don't shy away from telling me your day is awesome. Seriously. I want to know! Actually, I would love to hear about someone else's day--help me get my mind off me!<br />
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Much love!<br />
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xoxox<br />
Ash<br />
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<br />Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-36282941857912411162015-10-12T04:57:00.000-07:002015-10-14T19:40:15.021-07:00Walk with me and we can not quite know together<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">Since coming home to care for the kids, letting go of my job as a teacher, </span><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">I’ve fumbled in answering that question of how long I plan to stay. </b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">“Hmm. I don’t know.” I’ve said those gray words so many times. No great crafted answer. Just a vague, unfinished statement.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>And I hadn’t known for a while for all kinds of reasons</b>. I’m supporting Paul in what he does and he’s supporting me. It’s romantic and difficult and good. I’m loving homeschool and getting good (better) at being a homemaker which I find surprisingly fulfilling. And then there's the time with my kids--that thing that I just can't quit no matter the strewn toys and long days. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Stepping away from teaching was exhilarating but scary. My feet ached for firm ground and yet I wanted even more to stay put & make something of something new. It was the most daring ordinary thing I will ever do. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I know a bit more of my plan now because I’ve gone ahead and made a path. <b>But there is always openness to what we do not know and what we can not predict</b>. Hearts change. Careers change. Families change. Some of these changes we feel slowly, some click as quiet as a switch inside our soul, and others tumble on top of us and turn us inside out in no time, no warning: “Up ahead. Total life reboot.” </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>I had thought that this <i>vulnerability in uncertaint</i>y walked with me because I quit my job, but I learned this year that this particular vulnerability harbors no prejudice. </b>Uncertainty walks with all of us. It wasn’t a symptom of not having a paycheck. It is a symptom of being human. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJhVfY5-knPnTcIK6UcHfH_suQ3yYH8EBhnGAlqfG7IQLtcJ_lr8bjgkJMN5jjsZ-Em1O1bbn3hq-4lF88KV_0KB9ov6D6krkiaX1ZufDHvXC0FWqxnzwKiaClRVCWnqs7QbnObUv92ZGY/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJhVfY5-knPnTcIK6UcHfH_suQ3yYH8EBhnGAlqfG7IQLtcJ_lr8bjgkJMN5jjsZ-Em1O1bbn3hq-4lF88KV_0KB9ov6D6krkiaX1ZufDHvXC0FWqxnzwKiaClRVCWnqs7QbnObUv92ZGY/s640/photo.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Throughout this year, women have come over to talk, coffee mug in hand and maybe kids playing at our feet. Old friends. Family members. Friends I’m close with now and who visit often. I’ve listened to stories of things I missed before or things that are so new they’re raw and far from finished. I’ve listened to the hearts of women and I’ve seen how not alone I am. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">From afar, these women upheld lives that looked like perfect plans unfurled. Or if not that, at least tidy, under control, secure. I had made assumptions. I had compared their front stage performance to my back stage scrambling. I had mostly gotten it all wrong. </span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeVytRd0Ze-3bP4GWOXyEQiRRJYA40Nq8SqK5hP9ZwyHUGq4SMxlp60VcKQmlrS65dyLm0Jy9tMgk699eFL__JytdSqt2zHzdQF6jeElY_cnSP3xePBArASqV2ReelQB-10VVHtCPXlRR4/s1600/photo+%252823%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeVytRd0Ze-3bP4GWOXyEQiRRJYA40Nq8SqK5hP9ZwyHUGq4SMxlp60VcKQmlrS65dyLm0Jy9tMgk699eFL__JytdSqt2zHzdQF6jeElY_cnSP3xePBArASqV2ReelQB-10VVHtCPXlRR4/s640/photo+%252823%2529.JPG" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I hurt all over just looking at this photo.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>I’ve seen the truth of life laughing at our plans and not just mine.</b> I’ve seen the truth of my friends living outside of certainty and yet walking forward because life didn’t stop to fix up things and throw a rope when it was needed. These women. Their lives. So many things shattered, mended and hurting, so many things you couldn’t know from Facebook and Instagram, so many things outside of their plans that shaped their stories [and shape their stories] and have bloomed on their gorgeous faces because their faith and character pulled them through but not perfection. Not anything near perfection. So many things that they still just don’t know. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">All of us. <b>We’re doing what we can with what we have.</b> Obstacles ignite our creativity and stump us too. No guide to tell us why the bleeping hill just doesn’t end or how many miles more to the water. We walk with confidence, with the things we know to be good. We have joy in making plans for being our best selves. But we have blank spaces too that we don’t yet have answers for. Hearts spilling over with silent grief. Cracked hands from tough work. A turning over in our minds of things we wish we could control but can’t. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Do you have plans? Yes?! Me too! So many plans. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>But do you also feel wonderment and gratitude for the things beyond the plans?</b> </span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Adventures you can not see. </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Splashes of color where you have pulled out a fresh, blank canvas. </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Inevitable turns up ahead that will have you doing things you don’t want but need, can’t know how but want, and won’t plan but is an unfinished part of you already just waiting for completion.</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Me too! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Plans are very, very good. But the things outside our plans, <b>maybe even especially that which mystifies or frustrates or grieves or tires or stretches or pulls us to our knees in humility because the freaking roof blew off our box…</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">These are good because this is what has us grow the most. We become something we weren’t before. We become something that even our most perfectly perfect of beautiful plans can’t hold a match to because those plans were of the stuff inside us and this is of the stuff beyond. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Where you find discomfort. Where you find blank space. Where you find vulnerability in uncertainty.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Go there. </b>I will meet you there & walk right along with you. I’ll laugh with you or cry with you or just get quiet with you. Whatever you need, friend, but I’ll meet you there. </span><span style="font-family: 'Avenir Next'; font-size: 11px;"> </span></div>
Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-24673299969518583402015-10-08T05:20:00.005-07:002015-10-14T19:26:00.759-07:00Day in the Life - All photos, No words<h4>
Wednesday, October 7th</h4>
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6:00 a.m.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD7LbOdKWJA85zS-jZj0DmyYyXzGoCdw69u7RPwMYt1QhGKZvKLhY0n3pBejWLh2pbkBWGEyUu4POP_vNRKtis4AeyGK-JX0LK4eTU9imvJLGSFp1OyQtL7vvKL1a6oT9BEjCdTAnq9Wib/s1600/DSC_0373.NEF" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD7LbOdKWJA85zS-jZj0DmyYyXzGoCdw69u7RPwMYt1QhGKZvKLhY0n3pBejWLh2pbkBWGEyUu4POP_vNRKtis4AeyGK-JX0LK4eTU9imvJLGSFp1OyQtL7vvKL1a6oT9BEjCdTAnq9Wib/s640/DSC_0373.NEF" width="640" /></a></div>
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7:00 a.m.<br />
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8:00 a.m.<br />
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9:00 a.m.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSFmwal4YEOtp077NIDm4Ao4l7Od5Z8V17hNcly_7dqsFEi4Boq1qhA8CXVdrcJh4T_Wzi7feEZo9pyuSkxgM265dYiTM4i_bLcW1Sem_CkwV_8Nl_yCOoXQkq9AWYTiITaXa85IXH3OM3/s1600/DSC_0513.NEF" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSFmwal4YEOtp077NIDm4Ao4l7Od5Z8V17hNcly_7dqsFEi4Boq1qhA8CXVdrcJh4T_Wzi7feEZo9pyuSkxgM265dYiTM4i_bLcW1Sem_CkwV_8Nl_yCOoXQkq9AWYTiITaXa85IXH3OM3/s640/DSC_0513.NEF" width="640" /></a></div>
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10:00 a.m.<br />
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11:00 a.m.<br />
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12:00 p.m.<br />
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1:00 p.m.<br />
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2:00 p.m.<br />
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3:00 p.m.<br />
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4:00 p.m.<br />
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5:00 p.m.<br />
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6:00 p.m.<br />
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<br />Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-56854574319221724792015-10-05T15:12:00.003-07:002015-10-14T19:59:34.332-07:00Reclaiming my home<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>I’m reclaiming the spaces of my home.</b> It took <a href="http://www.narrativeheiress.blogspot.com/2015/10/right-where-i-am.html">one signifiant repurposing of the 3rd bedroom</a> to set into motion a purging and reorganizing of every space in our home. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Whether it was the long string of time we’ve now lived here (4 & 1/2 years), the drowning in chaos that comes with having a few small kids at home all day all week all year, or my own underdeveloped skill set for homemaking, <b>our house had become a puzzle of shuffled chaos.</b> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It’s easy to think <i>I’ll get to that another day when I have more time.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Earlier this summer a family member pulled out her phone and I saw a notification for over 2,000 unread emails. I won't say who here, but she knows because I gasped. ;) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I could not sleep at night if I didn’t know exactly what those 2,000 were about, if I hadn’t sorted them and called them by name. <b>I could not think clearly without those emails in their respective homes. </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>But yet my house was just as much an unclaimed, waiting mess of stuff. </b> Things are mostly in their places but cozied up next to neighbors who had found their way there by accident and never left. In the kids’ room mostly toys but also binders & board games. In the laundry room mostly cleaners but also tools & manuals. In the garage, mostly… okay, everything is in that garage… but also lots of garden essentials that would have a wonderful home in our shed if only just escorted. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>And so it is I’m reclaiming the spaces of my home. </b>It feels good. It also feels a bit embarrassing, but I’m used to that. As an INFP, I live life in a dreamy landscape and then reality sometimes bites me in the ass just as I’m musing at the pink sunset. That reality right now, teeth deep in my cheek, is that the linen closet provides the impression a drunk person was in charge of cleanup after a camping trip. </span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Contents of our linen closet. I wish I was joking. </td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Here is exactly how I’m getting everything in their places and booting out all the rest:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Paul and I listened to a podcast a couple weeks ago that made me rethink deadlines. Essentially, <b>our work expands to the time we give it</b>. Often we aren’t getting what we want done because we aren’t setting a deadline to do it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>I’ve set a deadline for New Year’s Eve</b>. It’s always been one of my very favorite holidays. Since I was a little girl, my love for a new year has known no bounds. It’s a bit ridiculous how excited I get. This is what is pushing me. To know our family is starting a new year with all the things we love and need in their right places so we can seamlessly work hard and play hard too—the best! </span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">2. Follow a thorough system. </span></b></h3>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This is just how I’m doing this. I’m incorporating a lot of things I’ve learned from professionals like <b>being comfortable with extra space in areas</b> and <b>getting as many alike things together in one place </b>to increase simplicity. With those gems, I made my own system appropriate when one finds their home is a kaleidoscope of unorganized nonsense and they have to mostly start all over. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">1. </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;"> t</span><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">ake everything out</b></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">2. think of the </span><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">function</b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;"> that is best for this space & </span><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">declare what it is and what it is not </b></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">3. </span><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">bring as many things for that function into this space</b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;"> (and do not worry yet about lack of space or extra space) & take all extras that were in this space but now don’t belong to an interim space to be pulled from later (for example: basket in the garage or spare room) </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">4. </span><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">make order of what is here without buying extra things to do so </b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">(buying organizational stuff is often a distraction from the real work of making decisions & you can do this at the very end when you know you truly do not have any extra container but need one)</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">5. </span><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">come back</b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;"> (later when other spaces are established as well) </span><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">and make decisions </b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">about letting go of things that no longer belong</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> * caveat: if purging is so obvious and automatic that it takes no energy—do it right away</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">5. <b>paint, decorate, and organize with whatever is needed to do it. </b></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">3. Thinking grateful thoughts and multiplying benefits.</span></b></h3>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">This weekend I worked on creating a board game closet. Right now, there’s no fancy system in it. I just have all things in that group in this space and the space makes sense because it’s as close as possible to where we will use them. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>As I put everything in place I did two things</b>. A prayer of gratitude for the past. And then a thought about a more productive future. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>I thought of all the memories we’ve made so far with those games and puzzles.</b> Thomas naming the states our extended family members live in and where Nana went on vacation. Paul schooling me in Monopoly. Sharing beers and laughs with friends over games of Wizard and Telestrations and Taboo. Piecing together 1000 piece puzzles with Thomas last winter as the snow fell just outside the sunroom windows. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>And then I thought of how a new home for these things means more likely use and easier cleanup. </b>Organization is not a blueprint for living in a museum home, seeing our things tidy and beautiful at all times. Organization's ultimate purpose is so we can live a full, rich lives. Lots of play. Lots of work. Access to the things we need in the way that works the best for our family. And that’s how I think of it as I’m moving things. A laundry room that makes me want to fold and sort. A kitchen that calls your name in to bake. A kids’ room that allows for play but doesn’t also give mom a heart attack… still crossing my fingers on this one. Send your suggestions. At this point, burn all the things is an option I’m strongly considering. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So there you have it. A “how I’m doing it” from someone who is totally making it up as she goes. I’m not too proud to share that I’m not great as housekeeping. It’s humbling to see that I’m really bad at something that is a good chunk of my job at the present. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">But I’m 30. 30 is, for me, a license to freely admit my faults, and to work on them with joy. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Life is too short to hide from our shortcomings.</b> Embracing them and learning intentionally how to wade through the new, foreign, or messy in order to get to the things we know we need is much more fun! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Leave me a comment. Let me know if you have had similar “findings” in your house. If and when you’ve purged or reorganized or if you need to now. If you’ve got tips, tricks, or advice, I’m all ears for that too! </span></div>
Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-85672546988712478292015-10-01T04:46:00.000-07:002015-10-14T20:00:44.929-07:00Our house is unorganized and I'm on it. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>On Monday I disassembled the guest bed that was in our 3rd bedroom</b>. I cleared out everything that didn’t fit the [new] single purpose of an office and study space. Our guest bed was getting so little use and it far from fit the needs of our family. As soon as the bed was out, I felt I could breathe. It was all wrong before. And now the room was right. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The next day I continued. <br /><br /><b>I took three loads of stuff out of the garage to give away or recycle, hauled even more to the curb, and spent 4 hours rearranging our storage layout and all the things in it.</b> Our garage is extra long but not extra wide. Previous owners put in cabinetry on the right side of the wall. It has always been all wrong, and we are finally having a contractor take it out. This is why I was out there. I was shifting all storage from the sides of the garage to the back where there has always been dead space. </span><br />
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<b style="font-family: inherit;">Yesterday, I took out everything from the laundry room and the cleaning closet.</b><span style="font-family: inherit;"> Thomas asked if he could earn money helping. I pulled things down and he organized them on the table. Housed in our laundry room cabinets were a freak show of miscellany. Paint sample cans. Abandoned socks. Tools. Empty boxes. Cleaning products I didn’t know we had. More screws than I could ever know what to do with. And enough manuals to build a tower as tall as Alistair & Emerick. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />Through this process all week I’ve been excited but not anxious to rush. I’m telling myself: <b>no shuffling, no hiding, no shortcuts</b>. If this thing in my hands isn’t sparking joy or its purpose expired some time ago, it’s time for it to go. And then I’m taking each item and putting it in its home not based on space I see or lack of space or where things were before. I’m putting it where it makes sense and with all the other things that it makes sense with. <br /><br /><b>This whole process of re-claiming my home is bringing me immense joy</b>. We have better access to our tools and things which let us work and play with ease. In three days, I’ve gutted a disease of sorts which has caused us unnecessary stress and waste of time and replaced it with a visual declaration of “all things in their place.” </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><b>Much of the beginning of 2015 I dwelled in this head and heart space of feeling and knowing that caring for twins is ... "challenging</b>". Of course my kids bring me tremendous joy. I am crazy lucky to be at home and I treasure my time with them. But I also felt like grabbing friends and family and saying, "YOU DON'T GET IT. THIS IS HARD."<br /><br />Adjusting to life with three boys was [is!] very real and instead of handling it, I looked outside of myself and believed lies that if I was just “that mom” or I had “those kids” or I had “that set-up” my life would be easier. Ha! Maybe that is true. But what a bunch of crap that is wasting time on a life that isn’t yours when there are about a million things we can do at our fingertips to simplify, re-energize, and strike success with the one we do have! <br /><br /><b>Just about a month after the fog of my hard-heart lifted, homeschooling started</b>. I’m going to admit something now that is even more shameful than the fact that I had tools in my laundry room, bottles of cleaners in my garage, and a guest bed I’ve always hated set up in a room we very much needed. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Paul travels a lot. He does about 75% travel. He’s in Chicago this week. In the two weeks before that he had taken two trips each week. I used to post on Facebook that he was leaving or coming home or maybe blog about it here, but it’s such a normal part of our life that posting about it seems kind’ve silly now. </span></div>
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<b style="font-family: inherit;">This is our life, and I’m happy to be a part of it</b><span style="font-family: inherit;">. Normally, I could keep up without extra help at night— the dinner clean-up, baths, books read to the kids. But with homeschooling now. WOAH. Like, woah. Could. Not. Just....No. Here it is… Here’s the kicker…. Since school started, three times Paul has come home to a house that was not clean. It was mostly clean. It was pretty clean. But it wasn’t that clean that a man who’s been busting his butt to provide deserves to come home to. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’ve actually typed the words out to him: </span><b style="font-family: inherit;">“I’m really struggling.” </b><br />
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<b style="font-family: inherit;">Have you ever had this? A new stage of life.</b><span style="font-family: inherit;"> Maybe a baby. Maybe a promotion. Maybe a new house. Maybe, like me, homeschooling. And you can feel the growing pains. You know you are going to make it through but in transit you are looking like one. hot. mess. You’re not just dropping stuff, you are tripping over yourself and falling on your face. Well, if you have—then you know what my life has been like this year. I’ve mostly been a mess. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><br />And that’s why all this cleaning, pitching, purging, and creating a new vision for my home and how we live in it. <br /><br /><b>I’m in a good place right now. A very, very good place</b>. My eyes are not on anyone else’s life. Not the woman who has a man who is home at six (been there). Not on the momma of one sweet and tender, calm maybe, little girl (thought that). Not on the momma I’m going to be when I magically transform (NO effort!) into a well-oiled machine of both gentle nurturer and competent homemaker. <br /><br /><b>All I’m thinking about is where I am today and what I can do about it</b>. I refuse to feel shame for the paint cans and messy garage, the slow claiming of my space, the past consumerism that stuffed our lives beyond good enough, or my lack of ability to magically transform into super-mommy or super-homeschool teacher. I'm only thinking about the work. It's true what they say, that it doesn't matter about your past, but in light that it's always time to get to work on the right now.<br /><br />I’m glad to be here doing the work. I’m grateful for a husband who trusts and believes in me. I’m happy for another beautiful day to be empowered, imaginative, and to pull out weeds and cultivate delight. </span></div>
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Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-81032008510811607832015-09-29T04:10:00.004-07:002015-10-14T19:29:47.944-07:00Five Easy Ways to Gratitude<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />I<b>’ve done a lot of work in cleaning out the yucky parts of my heart to make room for joy this year.</b> One of the things I’ve found is that gratitude clears a wide path for joy. It’s as if in seeing that we have much, we are given even more good. <br /><br />I'm sharing today a few of the things that I do to bring myself back to gratitude and therefore joy. These are all easy practices that could be done almost at anytime and anywhere. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> 1. Cleaning</span></h3>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /><b>Doing the dishes, sweeping the floor, and scrubbing the toilet can be an exercise in gratitude if we let it</b>. It’s when I clean up my fridge that I see I have so many things to eat. It’s in putting little boys’ clothes on hangers that I can smile for the little stinkers who made a cloud of dirt settle on that fabric just the day prior. It’s in tidying up books I can love the authors who’ve dedicated themselves to the words. It’s funny. I never feel like buying more clothes after a day of catching up on laundry. Sometimes even a purge or reinvention of things we have on hand can give us delight, all without reaching into our wallets.<br /><br /><b>We've reached critical mass at our home</b>. It's as if we took a path out and now we hit then end and have to return to the trailhead. This is the first year that we've had way more things leave our house than come in. I haven't been able to purge all at once as suggested in The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, but we are getting there. After each chunk of purging, I've been truly, truly amazed at how different I felt about the things that remained in my closet, book shelves, the boys' room and the garage. The things that no longer "sparked joy" were getting in the way of the things that were. When we removed the things that were no longer meant for our home, the things that are seemed to come to life. I think this is true for the things we store internally as well, and I wonder how much we clean up internally when we are busy tending to the external weeds at our feet and hands. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> 2. Praying for others</span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It was just this year that I started regularly praying with my kids at night. With the twins, it’s a very simple prayer. They are usually busy setting up their stuffed animals and asking for their fifth drink of water. With Thomas, it’s a little something more. Whether we pray about our day or say an Our Father, we always pray at the end for those who <i>are lonely or have little</i>. </span><br />
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<b style="font-family: inherit;">Without prompting, Thomas joined in saying the Our Father last wee</b><span style="font-family: inherit;">k. I hadn't realized that he had it memorized since I just say it to him and when he prays he tends to do free form shout-outs to God about his friends, his brothers, his dad, and Legos. It hit me that Thomas might find mention of bread odd in a prayer, so I explained to him what asking for our daily bread meant. It hit me there in that retelling of "just enough, not more". Of course it is important to think long term and big picture. It is important to have extra savings and a plan for retirement. But at the end of the day--if we had enough for THAT day, our hearts should be thankful. It's this art of contentment that I'm learning as I age and it is a much happier place than the frenetic hustle for tomorrow's fruit. As my favorite poem states:</span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">"Oh, leave tomorrow's fruit to providence</span></i></div>
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<i><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">and dote upon the bud--from which is spun</span></i></i></div>
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<i><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">a leafing-out to love in increments, "</span></i></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>It’s in meditating on the true suffering around us that we’ve taken more pause in our lives to think of those around us who are suffering, even those we don’t know who are suffering.</b> Our extremely simple and humble prayer (think one or two sentences) puts into perspective the troubles of our day. It is all too cliche to say but true. There has never been a night I went to bed without shelter, clothes, or food. I have very much to be grateful for and also to be a good steward of. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Of course, actually helping others is even better. But when you don't know where to help or when to help or how to help or it's the end of the day and even your own life needs help -- one little prayer is good enough, is very good indeed. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> 3. Margins & Pauses</span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">What good is the hammock if we do not lay in it? What good is the speaker system without the occasional weekend dance party with the family? What good is the hydrangea bush without a bouquet on the table? <b>We can’t fully enjoy the things we already have if we are always rushing, rushing, rushing without margin. </b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Sometimes we are so busy working for the next good thing, we forget about the good things we already have.</b> Say no to obligations that aren’t essential. Put away the phone. Give yourself permission to take a quiet walk, paint your toes bright pink, light a candle, and pick up the child and dance. Invite a friend over and pour a glass of wine. No one will step in and make margin in your life. You have to be firm in making white space. I’ve found that that’s where all my brightest colors bloom. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>There are seasons in life that are so busy that even the word margin feels a bit like a joke.</b> I know when the twins were newborns, there was little room for margin. Just their sleep cycle alone kept me on my toes and barely sleeping myself for a stretch of months. This is where I think a pause does great work. No one should have to feel heavy with stress and scrolling the to do list all day. Even 15 or 30 minute breaks to do something silly or fun or quiet recharges us and makes us return to even our grungiest, most difficult work with a bit of joy. Thomas and I do one art activity a week. This is something I let myself get lost in for a bit of time. I feel no shame playing and coloring because I've seen how I bounce back into my work with more enthusiasm and focus. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> 4. 3 Good Things journaling</span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Pick a month to declare a gratitude reset.</b> Heck, pick a week. We don’t need to always write down the blessings in our lives, but doing it for a bit of time can spark back to life that joy we left behind when life got busy or stressful or just such a overstuffed bag that gratitude sifted to the bottom. At the end of each day (for whatever amount of time) take a moment to replay the day. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Did you love that you dressed up and felt beautiful? Did you take extra time to love on someone? Did you make a new recipe and strike gold? Did you see some great thing someone else did? Write three good things down. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I kept this practice this summer. It was incredible. The things I wrote down were very eye opening. They helped me to really take a step back from my life and see how truly good it is. I had a ton of wonderful things that I was very, very quickly forgetting because of all the looming things I needed to fix or get done or get through. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>I know November is just around the bend, and with it Thanksgiving. It may not be a bad month to take notes on your good things</b>. Ann Voskamp's books are good recommendations for listening and listening to our gifts. And there are plenty of tags on Instagram for directed focus on the beautiful things and people in our lives. But don't think your gratitude list has to have anything grand on it. Every time I take a shower I feel like a million bucks and a walk around my neighborhood brings me so much joy it's impossible for me to hide it on my face. Simple things. Simple things. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> 5. “I am ready for this.”</span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>It’s easy to be grateful for the good, but what do we make of the difficulties of our lives? </b>I think we can find a way to be grateful for those too. Each struggle is a door to something new. If we didn’t struggle, than it would be of nature something we already know. Me? Becoming a wife: difficult. Becoming a mom: difficult. These things were struggles (are struggles) because they pull me from what I was to what I need to be. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Do you know that ache in your chest when your heart is raw and your entire body, mind, and spirit are processing the “foreign”, the burden, the difficult—you know you have to get from A to Z and you’re confounded as to how? That's tough stuff.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Some difficulties land in our laps as if from the sky and I don't mean that as a nod to heaven</b>. These problems are random and may not have much meaning aside from the character that we come to exercise in dealing with them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>But I think there are some difficulties that we specifically take on because we were ready to do so.</b> It could be problems in our marriages or our relationships with others. It could be in taking care of that underlying, nagging issue with the house or the finances. It could be in apologizing to someone, confronting someone, or just simply going to someone to be honest about something you have harbored for some time because you couldn't find the words for so long. It could be in seeing that your kid mouths off or that it is time to put the dog down. It could be a big conversation about why your family is doing things the way they are and if that's the path you want to keep going down. These are all examples of things that we should meet when we are ready and because we are ready we should do them with a touch of joy for being ready. This is when we can say: "I am ready for this. I am strong enough for this! I'm glad I'm here to do this work." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>What do you do to increase your gratitude ? What's that thing you do to recenter your life and plant your feet in joy? I would love to know! </i></span><br />
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<br />Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-24468205155018970912015-09-01T14:52:00.001-07:002015-10-14T20:01:04.498-07:00Brand new-to-us homeschooling hits & tweaks<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">
<b style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">We are on day 12 of kindergarten homeschool + trickle down benefits for the twins. </b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;"> A friend texted me</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;"> yesterday wanting to know details, so I’m jumping at the chance to press pause on life (which is kind've insane right now btw) and think on that question.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">All the boys are asleep as I type this. The house is so quiet.... <smiles></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Anywho, here's what I see right now just a little over two weeks in.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">what’s working well</span></b></h2>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Before the kids wake up, I pull out Thomas’s spiral bound notebook and create a checklist for the school day.</b> Some days I even take care of it the night before. He is always going to see a reading lesson, read aloud, poetry and math lesson listed on his daily rundown. How I decide on the rest (handwriting, history, science, art, etc.) is complicated but takes very little time. I take a moment and think about two things: 1) what did Thomas struggle and/or excel at yesterday? and 2) what is on our schedule for today? essentially—how much time and energy will we realistically have to offer school today?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I mapped out a scope and sequence for our year, so I know what we need to do each month to keep us on track. <b>But with the consideration of our schedule (appointments, errands, play dates) and what things I think I need to offer either slack or supplementation for</b>, it’s easy for me to write down the rest of our activities and assignments for the day. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">When Sarah Mackenzie <a href="http://amongstlovelythings.com/spiral-notebooks/">shared about this on her blog</a>, I saw the benefit for older students who completed a great deal of independent work. I thought I would try it with Thomas anyway. He took to it right away. I love when something so simple works so well. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>2. </b><b>school (mostly) during nap time:</b></span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Our homeschool rhythm is largely influenced by the needs of the twins.</b> Yesterday was an odd morning and the boys were pretty calm and quiet for the first two hours of the day. I kept thinking maybe somebody fled the scene, but no. Legos really are that awesome. Typically, the boys are wound and loud by 8 am, so focusing on school work during the morning is not a wise choice. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Thomas knows that his checklist is ready to go in the morning. We eat breakfast and cleanup. <b>After I get my morning chores rolling, I make myself available for reading.</b> Some mornings it is picture books. Most mornings Thomas asks to read our chapter book while they are playing. I have to judge the climate of the house and if it’s too loud, I just wait for when we move outside or switch to drawing or whatever. This used to frustrate me. But I’ve accepted that reading aloud is really important and the only way we can make it work well is for me to wait for and ride opportune moments and not force it. This is all to say that <b>we read a lot throughout the morning, but I don’t initiate any school in the morning</b>, but if Thomas asks to get started on school, I’m happy to help and that’s okay too. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">So <b>we largely do schoolwork during the twins’ nap</b>, even if that means they are in their room playing while Thomas and I can focus on things like math or history that take a bit more focus. I would love completing schoolwork in the morning because I’m one thousand percent a morning person. Maybe one day. But the season we are in with toddler twins and the relatively small curriculum needs of a kindergartner—nope! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>3. </b><b>everything reading</b><b>: </b></span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><b>Our reading game is fierce.</b> It is the one subject which has me feeling all the good feels: happy, excited, eager, confident. I know the kids are not missing out. Our home is definitely formed largely around a love for reading and ideas and imagination. Ask me in person about reading to kids and you've set off a bomb. I will talk your leg off. <i>Not so much for math and science. I like what we are doing there, but I'm still watching and thinking and trying to find our fit. </i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">Here's what's on our plate:</span></span><br />
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<li style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; margin: 0px;">oodles of picture books</li>
<li style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; margin: 0px;">+ those that Thomas reads independently</li>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">The reading instruction book we are using is </span></span><i style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">The Ordinary Parent's Guide to Teaching Reading</i></b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><b>.</b> We completed </span></span><i style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons </i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">last year. I skipped a couple sections of </span></span><i style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">TOPGTTR</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> because I felt it overlapped a bit with </span></span><i style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">100 Easy Lessons</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">, and Thomas loses interest if something doesn't challenge him enough. Also, and I'm totally going to bore some (all) of you here, but there is some poetry work Bauer weaves into learning vowels that I do not like. Just my </span></span>opinion<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> Recitation along with reading instruction felt a bit cumbersome and so I stuck my flag in our ground and said nope to that.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">Honestly, I wasn't excited to start </span></span><i style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">The Ordinary Parent's Guide to Teaching Reading. </i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> It doesn't have the same crowd appeal or cute visuals like the Explode the Code series. However, it is </span></span>extraordinarily<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> thorough. Every bit of reading instruction you would </span></span>want to equip a blossoming reader with seems to be contained in that book. Thomas does well with the lessons and I see now how Bauer has layered the learning in a way that is really making it stick. So far so good, but I'm eager to see the rest of the lessons play out throughout the year. Generally impressed... as of day 12. ;)<br />
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">Thomas shows so much </span></span>interest in science.</b> That's awesome. What is not awesome is that by not wanting to overwhelm him, I planned on covering science through tons and tons of reading and the very occasional fun activity or experiment. Read: light science. </div>
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It was made abundantly clear though that Thomas's idea of school meant a lot more exploration and contact with science manipulatives and such. I can do that. I can meet that need. But I'm doing a little bit of scrambling to pull those resources. They are coming. </div>
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2. <b>theme days</b></h3>
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I love simplifying things. Less choices. Less clutter. Save the decision making for the stuff that can't be anchored onto some kind of loop, routine, or rhythm. So I'm working on theme days. A home ec day. A poetry tea day. Maybe an art day. If I ever get it figured out and it sticks, I will let you know. I want to breathe life into each day of the week with their own unique flavors we can anticipate and savor. I want hooks in our weeks and days that entice us even in the most mundane (what? never!) stretches of curriculum work. </div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">3. <b>and mommy time</b></span></h3>
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<b>Prior to kicking off our school year, I had been letting myself crash during nap time.</b> I would take a cat nap and maybe read or just lounge for a bit before rolling into the afternoon and getting back to work. That's just not feasible with our homeschool days. Now, by the time we finish school work I have no time, if any at all, to sink into solitude before the twins wake. Night time is the one place I can see in my schedule where there is time to steal. I want to return to going to bed early and reading myself to sleep and feeling rested enough in the morning to tackle these long days where I'm often solo parenting while Paul's away or working long hours. </div>
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<b>It's really important that I take care of myself.</b> Paul has traveled so much in the past year, and I have learned so much about self-care. I'm still learning. But I know this truth. A mommy who carves out time to fill up her cup can pour herself out with abundance. It's an ever shifting game of seizing opportunities that still fit well with our family. Hey. As long as I know there is going to be one small swath of time for be to be by myself and to get quiet and listen to my thoughts, I don't care when it is. I'll take it!</div>
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+ + + + +</div>
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Okay. That's all I've got for now.</div>
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NOT!</div>
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I've got a lot more to share, but I'm biting my tongue and sitting on my hands and trying on moderation so I can be responsible and go make a panini and feed the boys like a good mom.</div>
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Let me know your school-isn thoughts!</div>
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xoxox,</div>
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Ash</div>
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Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-73667733074260099272015-07-29T05:16:00.004-07:002015-10-14T20:01:16.603-07:00Kindergarten at home!<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;"><b>Thomas begins kindergarten this year at hom</b>e.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">Last week he was asked at the library what grade he is going into, and his response was that he was “going into Level 2”.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">Our sweet librarian paused and smiled, working that out in her head.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;"> </span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">Hmm. Maybe it's time to get a dialogue about this rolling a bit more. </span></div>
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<b>I haven’t said much here on the blog about us homeschooling, but I want to. </b>It's where I'm at and I want to write from where I'm at and meet you there. </div>
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I wrote it all out yesterday, so I could explain some things. I just typed typed typed all those thoughts, and they just kept coming and coming and wow. It was obscenely long. Obscene. AND I actually walked away from the computer, hopped in the shower, and thought as I was shampooing my hair that I was just barely getting started. <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">When it comes to life choices and sharing it online my ego jumps into my hands.</span><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> </b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">And when that happens I'm forced to have that difficult conversation with my ego that we all love him but he's going to have to shut up please. </span></div>
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<b>I will keep those long thoughts about homeschooling to myself for now and share with you the small ones.</b> No big feels. Concrete stuff. All dirt, no dazzle. For me to do this I have to picture my writer self carefully writing small words on a piece of paper with one of those massive, over-sized pencils. </div>
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<b>Our 1st day of school is August 17th.</b> All our curriculum materials are ready. Our goals are printed. We're excited to get this party started & have a touch of fanfare like, but not like, our friends who are going to public or private school. Homeschooling is largely different because we already do so much of what we will be doing, especially at this young age. It isn't as if our routine will flip a switch & see a dramatic difference once we are in school. It's simply more of what we do but with the dial turned up and with a road map in hand. </div>
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<b>We're going to continue keeping things weird. </b></div>
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<b>We will read profusely.</b> Thomas will read to me. I will read to him. A huge chunk of my focus is going to be in giving every opportunity in our days for the boys to explore language, ideas, cultures, history, art, science-- all the things -- through books. In addition, we have formal reading lessons to extend and complete Thomas's skill set. </div>
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<b>We will explore writing. </b>There's a big mix here. Over half of our educational goals are specifically rooted in language arts. Communication is key. Reading, writing, listening and speaking--these are going to unlock learning in all other areas. We will be practicing handwriting with a workbook, and then exploring all sorts of writing purposes and formats: journaling, notes, letters, stories, etc. </div>
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<b>We will build a foundation of math. </b> I have an unorthodox system for how we are going to be tackling math skills. It's complicated & too much to get into here. Suffice it to say it's important to me that no matter the school setting Thomas is in next year, he feels great about math and is very familiar with a wide base of math terms and processes. </div>
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<b>We will learn practical skills. </b>I'll have Thomas in the kitchen with me cooking, outside watering plants, at the table folding clothes. He will have chores as well as new responsiblities. He'll come alongside me to work out problems. We'll talk about next steps and what we need and how we need to fix what is in front of us and evaluate our work. We will practice doing things well, doing things carefully, and doing things to completion. </div>
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<b>We will do nothing. </b>The boys will play in dirt. I'll encourage them to go outside and make something out of nothing (literally because do not have many toys out there). We will be radical by keeping things simple, so that the boys have lots of time to form their own ideas and agendas.</div>
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<b>We will treasure our time together. </b></div>
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<b>We will let Thomas lead. </b>Thomas is deeply interested in learning. We are going to run with that. He practices handwriting on his own. He creates math problems and solves them. He reads books to his brothers without me asking. He begs for more read aloud time. Current fixation is ancient history. When he wants to know something, he asks. When he gets overwhelmed learning something, he takes a break. I am responsible for making sure there are no gaps and so filling in those places he doesn't even know to ask about, but largely I will be encouraging a lot of this student-prompted learning and making lots of space for it in our days. </div>
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<b>We will have fun.</b> Kindergarten should be. I'll be sprinkling in some hands on learning and activities throughout the year. I want to keep in the spirit of exposure and discovery. It's about building confidence with new ideas and having fun with learning. All kids deserve that at such a young age!<br />
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<b>So there's the landscape of our homeschooling.</b> I'm incredibly passionate about learning, and I feel really blessed that homeschooling fits in right now with our family's needs. This is a new chapter in our lives and we are excited to dive right in & get our hands messy with the process! </div>
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Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-76652937090096764372015-07-27T04:48:00.001-07:002015-10-14T20:01:42.606-07:00Things that are making me happy right now<div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">1. <u>phone free walks -</u> </span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>I wake at 5:30 each morning, and get ready for the day while all my guys are still sleeping.</b> When Paul travels, this looks like journaling and reading mostly. When Paul is home and it’s safe to step away, I try to take a 2 mile walk around my neighborhood. I love these walks. A couple months ago I felt a tug to not listen to anything but what I was walking past—birds, leaves, squirrels, the spillway behind the lake. It was wonderful. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">My head is stuffed with thoughts. I need quiet to sift through them and see what’s worth what. I also have such a drive to learn that I feel compelled to listen to as much information as possible on housekeeping, finances, homeschooling, etc, but there needs to be a better balance of quiet & learning. I’ve been taking a lot more silent walks, as I like to call them. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>It feels like a treat to be, in my own little way, off the grid—away from that phone.</b> I want to have more phone detox time in my days and weeks. I’m thinking about this. I want to enjoy my phone, but feel detached from it as well. Or at the least, at times. I don’t want to be robbed of being present anymore. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">When I heard Thomas sign his name to the end of a prayer about a month ago, “Love, Thomas” as if he was sending a letter up to God, I thought <b>maybe we should make night time prayers a bit more of a norm</b> rather than once every other month. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I’m the reading mom, the walking mom, the cooking in the kitchen with you mom. I wish I was all the mom things, but I’m not. Even praying once every day, other than at the table, felt like a stretch for me. Baby steps. So I kept it super, super simple. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>I tuck the twins in first</b>. I give them their drinks of water. They make messy signs of the cross. Then I say while they press their hands together and give me the cutest little smiles I’ve ever ever seen, “<b>Dear Jesus, thank you for this day / in every single way. Amen.</b>” At that point they do this thing where it looks like they are releasing doves out of their hands. I’m not sure what that’s about, but it seems in good spirit of what we’re doing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">When I tuck Thomas in, about an hour later, we have a bit messier time praying. <b>We talk real to Jesus.</b> Thomas throws in things randomly and usually asks questions that have nothing to do with what we are praying about. We say what we are grateful for and think through our day. We list family members in a haphazard rotation & try to pray specifically for thing going on in their lives. And we add one other intention, usually for the people who are lonely because that just breaks my heart after we’ve thought about our day so full with one another.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Now if only I could get in the habit of saying my own night-</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: inherit;">time prayers. All in time. For now, just this little change in our routine has added a ton of gratitude in my heart. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Last weekend I took out our gate in the sunroom that has either kept the twins inside of it or locked out since they were born</b>. It was becoming a nuisance when guests would visit, so I begrudgingly removed it. Little did I know that I would be so excited about the change (after I spent hours purging and moving stuff). Plus, it feels like we are truly in a new season of life and I really, really love that. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Now all the kids’ toys are either in the sunroom or put away in their room in their closet. Before, they were in all the living areas of the house. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>At 5:00 p.m. every day, we stop whatever we are doing for clean-up time. </b>We don’t walk away until every single item is put away on the built-in shelves. It stays clean until bed time because the rest of the night is screen time, dinner, bedtime routine, baths, reading, etc. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The system I used before for toy pick-up isn’t even worth mentioning. Suffice it to say it was making me very unhappy and annoyed. I let the kids keep tons and tons of toys out, especially Thomas. I had to create a whole new norm for us when it hit me recently that Paul and I are happiest when the house is really clean and clutter-free, and so our family culture & our kids are just going to have to form around that need.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>I had to really think about what I’m trying to accomplish when I’m having the kids clean.</b> It seems obvious, right? I want it clean. But after years of doing this the wrong way, I see there is a different purpose for each season and right now while the boys are little there are specific reasons for why I want pick-up time to be this way. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>I want them to form habits and practice doing things to completion</b>. Mostly, I want the process to be more peaceful, and in the past it hasn’t been. If I see that it’s taking more than ten minutes or so to clean up the mess we made during the day, that’s a sign to me we need to simplify or let go of some things. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The best part of our new pick-up habit is that Paul is greeted with a happier wife and a cleaner home. Plus, the kids seem very proud of their work. So win-win-win.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I enjoyed writing these so much. I had more to share, but maybe on another day. Let me know if you have something that is making you happy right now. I would love to hear!</span></div>
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Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6624869368313438635.post-86797467533771536742015-07-23T15:42:00.003-07:002015-10-14T20:02:59.609-07:00Sickness helping me see<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A steady diet of Kleenex will do the trick!</td></tr>
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<b>I'm typing this in the corner of our yard, watching the boys play with dirty water on the patio.</b> Thomas has only underwear on, Emerick has one of Thomas's old tanks on, and Alistair has a white t-shirt bedazzled with graham cracker crumbs. <br />
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I came down with a cold yesterday, and it punched me in the face about a dozen times this morning and then drowned me for a few hours. I think it's packing its bags though. Yes, please. I don't have any business sending (more) texts to everyone in my phone that death is passing over my home in the form of a wee cough & runny nose.</div>
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When I get a cold, I'm panicky. They last 4 days, usually. I hate not being able to get as much work done. It's already enough work to keep me focused. Add a cold and throw in two toddler twins crying and whining because they don't understand why their snotty heads and little coughy bodies have betrayed them and I'm all staring emoticon x 1000. </div>
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Highlights of the day = </div>
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* Thomas bringing me water & getting me Kleenexes </div>
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* Thomas's sincere & sweet dismay over getting "all of you so sick"</div>
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* Emerick & Alistair sweetly cupping my face and giving me little rubs because they know something is up for Mommy to be sprawled out on the couch & wailing, "WHY?? WHY??!"</div>
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Lowlights = </div>
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* Clinging to the promise of nap time... and then it only lasting 1 hr 10 minutes. </div>
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* Feeling okay enough to clean the kitchen & within two minutes a small child slides a glass riiiiiiighhhht across the counter into the dishwasher below, shattering it into all the places and directions. Missed the mark just a touch, buddy.<br />
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Bonus: Yesterday, I found out six hours after going to the gym that when I was in the very, very front of Zumba class dropping my booty and shaking it for the dozens of women behind me to see, my pants were in fact inside out. Poster mother for having it all together. Right. Here.<br />
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Emerick just walked up to Thomas with a cup of water. </div>
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Thomas said, "Thank you for that, but if you'll excuse me I would like you to go ahead and leave please." He gently escorted Emerick away and then he said to me, "that's what you say when you need them to leave you alone but in a nice way."</div>
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What can I say to that? Teach me your ways, Thomas. </div>
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<b>There is one awesome thing about being sick</b>. About twenty awful things, but definitely one good thing. That one good thing is being so incapable of doing anything that you truly stop & take account of how things are. </div>
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Today, as I slowly warm back to life, I see three boys in my house. They play with each other and learn together. They laugh, run, build, and shout. They talk and listen and solve problems together (even if it's not always a win-win resolution). Right now I see my crew of boys walking across the retaining wall I built earlier this summer. These boys love being tough, testing physical boundaries, and even walking with little pumping fists and puffed out chests.</div>
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"Mom, watch this! Watch this! Watch this!" [Thomas jumps backwards off the wall]</div>
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"Watch this! Watch this party jump!" [Thomas jumps forward yelling, "Osakooooo!!"]</div>
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Alistair comes around the corner from the other patio & Thomas says, "Oh there you are. I thought you were dead! Don't ever do that again. I was so worried about you!"</div>
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<b>I see the boys interact sweetly, fiercely, lovingly--together.</b> I see little soldiers walking in a row and yelling indecipherably. I peek into their room and see a wash of blue and little beds, of toys and hopes scattered out across the floor for these real people in little bodies.<br />
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Today was that day where I stopped and felt it. I felt it before, little notes of it, but today it was a crystal clear ping. Alistair and Emerick, you belonged all along. It's not us + you. It's us as our family was always meant to be, all I know now and all I would have cared to know had I known it was there all along in the possibility of things outside the plans.<br />
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<b>I trip on myself.</b> I run ahead in my mind. I make big plans. I worry about when I will go back to teaching, how long I will get to homeschool my kids, and if there will ever be another little baby in our home. And yes, I know I can't do it all, but .... can I do it all? Please!!! Oh hush, this sickness says. Stop running, this cold says. Sit and savor, if only for just a day. Be gentle. Be slow. See all that is good right here, right now and don't worry more than you need to for this day, this moment, those kids thirty yards in front of you smeared in mud and charging with sticks. </div>
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These little blossoms of things I've stumbled upon. These little guys. I love them so very much it hurts when I stop long enough to let my heart catch up, when I step away from the to do list, when I'm so sick and so foggy that I can't dress myself properly, that I clean the kitchen and call it a day and spend the rest of it letting them climb all over me and kiss me on the cheek.<br />
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<b>Thank goodness for a sick day every once in a while. </b><br />
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But only every once in a while because oh my word was it tough. I'm going back to work tomorrow, but I'll be waiting for my "taking care of little sick people who don't make sense while you are also sick and also don't make sense" trophy to come in the mail any day.<br />
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Ashley Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15960809269667040621noreply@blogger.com4